


If I was a Fool or you a Thief

by soph_kom_trikru



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anya is Lexa's bff, Clexa Endgame, F/F, F/M, Finn/Clarke at the beginning, Friends to Lovers, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, SLOW BURN!!!!!, Slow Burn, Slow Updates, clexa au, finn is an asshole, no one dies, sibling Lexa&Lincoln, trikru exists
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2018-11-10 06:43:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11121948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soph_kom_trikru/pseuds/soph_kom_trikru
Summary: After Clarke and Lexa broke up the summer before, Clarke returns with her parents, friends and new boyfriend to Lexa's hometown for vacation.Will Lexa and Clarke be able to stay friends or does the universe have something else in mind for them?Read the tags!!





	1. All I gave you is gone

Clarke happily looked out of the car window, gazing at the trees that made up the wood that they were driving through. She couldn’t believe that it had already been a year since she had been here.

“Oh my god. Clarke look at all those trees, this is amazing”, Octavia excitedly exclaimed. Clarke, her parents and her friends were on their way to a village called Polis. The Griffins had been driving there every summer break, sometimes even for spring break, since Clarke was 12 years old. For the blonde, it was like a second home and as a celebration that she and her friends would all soon start college, they decided to drive to Polis together.

“These woods are amazing, not a single person in sight. Enough space to experiment and blow stuff up”, Raven shouted from the seat left to Clarke.

Clarke’s parents were sitting in the front seat. “Raven, no!”, Jake said and shot the brunette a stern look through the rearview mirror.

Abby turned around and glared at the girl, “Raven I know you have talented hands-”

“Yeah right, that’s what she said”, Raven smirked as Clarke pushed her elbow into Raven’s ribs and Octavia snickered.

“What I actually meant is that if you start experimenting, setting stuff on fire or blowing it up while we are here, I will personally make sure that you are never going to use those hands for anything, or anyone for that matter, again."

Clarke loved her best friends and she could not wait for them to meet her friends from Polis. She gazed out of her window again, but her thoughts drifted from the nature to a certain brunette that she met the first time she visited Polis.

* * *

 

_It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, no clouds in sight. It was the perfect day to go to the beach and Clarke decided to do just that. She and her parents had arrived the night prior and Clarke couldn’t wait to sit in the sun and draw. As soon as she found the perfect spot, she spread out her towel and sat on it. The blonde took out her drawing supplies and started sketching the waves that came crashing in, the surfers that rode them and the sun on the horizon. She was in her so-called zone. When she was in her zone, she would be so focused on drawing that she was pretty oblivious to the world around her._

_“Wow, you’re really talented”, a soft voice said, making Clarke jump. She looked up at the girl standing in front of her. She was wearing swimming shorts and a bikini top, her left arm slung around a surf board. Her wet hair was tied back and a tribal tattoo graced her biceps. Still startled from the sudden appearance of the stranger, Clarke finally removed her hand from her heart and let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding._

_“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you”, the stranger stuck her hand out. “I’m Lexa by the way.”_

_“Clarke – and thanks about the talent thing”, Clarke let out an awkward chuckle._

_“Well, I mean it. Can I sit?”, the girl – Lexa pointed at the space next to her._

_“Of course.”_

_Lexa laid down in the sand next to Clarke, putting her perfect body on display. Clarke’s eyes caught the six pack of the girl. How the hell did she pull that off? But the blonde was clearly appreciating the view. She heard a low chuckle coming from the girl, when she looked up a giant smirk was plastered on Lexa’s face. Clarke’s face turned red, she looked down at her painting trying to hide the embarrassment of being caught staring._

* * *

 

Clarke smiled at the memory. Would it be awkward to see her again after what happened? Probably… Clarke was brought back to reality by her phone vibrating in her pocket. She unlocked it and smiled at the display.

_Finn_

_Hey princess,_   
_Wanna go to the beach when we arrive? You’ve always talked about how beautiful it is._

Clarke and Finn had started dating 3 months ago. He was a really nice guy and Clarke felt happy to be with him, it was easy with him. She quickly typed out a reply.

_Clarke_

_I don’t know yet, my dad planned to go to the diner we love for dinner, so I don’t know if we have enough time today, but we’ll definitely go tomorrow :)_

Clarke’s phone vibrated seconds later.

_Finn_

_Sounds great – can’t wait_

“Argh, you guys are annoying”, Raven complained looking at Clarke’s screen.

“He’s literally in the car behind us with the others, can’t you wait a few more minutes until we arrive to get all disgusting and make me throw up?”

“Shut up, he just wanted to know if we would go to the beach today, because he knows how much I love it there”, Clarke replied.

Raven made gagging noises, which earned her a punch on her arm. “Ouch, that hurt”, she glared at Clarke.

“That’s what you get for saying everything you think. You seriously need a filter, Reyes”, Octavia added as Clarke poked her tongue out.

“She’s not that wrong though”, she mumbled.

“You’re lucky Raven is sitting between us otherwise you’d get punched too”, Clarke huffed jokingly.

* * *

 

They pulled up to a beach house half an hour later. As they all got out of the cars, Jake gathered them around him. “Okay this is what we’ll do: You will take your luggage to your respective rooms, you can change into something else if you want and then we’ll go to a small diner called ‘Grounders’. Friends of us own it so I expect you to somewhat behave.” The teenagers all wanted to run to their rooms, but Jake stopped them. “No, no, no. Not so fast. I haven’t told you who you’ll room with yet.” They all groaned.

“Dad, can’t we decide that ourselves?”, Clarke whined.

“Sorry kiddo, but I’m not going to let you room with your boyfriend.” He shot Finn a glare. “...as I was saying. Jasper and Monty will share a room, Bellamy and Finn, Octavia and Echo and Raven and Clarke. Let’s go, we’ll meet in an hour downstairs, in the meantime you can explore the house, take a shower, change, whatever, but remember one hour means one hour, not one and a half”, he looked at the girls.

“You know papa G, it’s sexist to look at us while you’re saying that, because it’s implying that only girls are slow and boys are not”, Raven argued. Jake raised his eyebrow.

“Or I just know you.” “Hm, yeah that’s probably it”, Raven said before she took her backpack and screamed, “The biggest room is mine and Griffin’s, losers.”

 

After they all made themselves feel at home and changed into more casual clothes, they met up in the living room downstairs to drive to Grounders together. “You ready to see your friends, kiddo?”, Jake nudged his daughter’s shoulder. She looked up at him. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

* * *

 

15 minutes later they were standing in front of the doors of Grounders.

“Let’s go. I’m hungry”, Raven said, opening the door.

“You always are, Reyes.” Octavia walked through the door first.

The diner was small, but it immediately felt like home. The left side was filled with booths, while the right side was occupied by a bar. The lights were dim, but bright enough to get a good look of everything. On the right side of the bar a little stage was set up. A stool and a microphone was placed in the front, while a set of drums was situated in the left back corner of the stage and a keyboard was stationed on its stand in the right corner of the back.

“Wow, this place is awesome”, Octavia spun around to take everything in.

“Griffin! You’re back!”, a male voice called out. A tall, black guy was walking towards them. He was bald and very muscular, but the smile that was plastered on his face made him look more like a big teddy bear than anything else.

“Lincoln”, Clarke smiled as she hugged him.

“How have you been?”

“Fine. School has been a bit rough, but I had these guys to help me”, Clarke pointed at her friends behind her. “Guys, this is Lincoln. I met him the first summer I’ve spent here. Lincoln, these guys are Octavia, Raven, Octavia’s older brother Bellamy, Finn, Bellamy’s girlfriend Echo, Jasper and Monty.”

“It’s very nice to meet you”, Lincoln welcomed the new guys before he looked to the older Griffins. “Abby, Jake, nice to see you again.” Lincoln let the group to one of the bigger booths. “Anya will be with you in a sec to take your orders”, he informed them as he handed out the menus.

As soon as Lincoln disappeared into the back of the diner, Octavia leaned over to Clarke and Raven. “Okay this dude is hot. If I knew your friends were that hot, I would have asked you to take me with you sooner.”

Clarke chuckled, “Lincoln is a really nice guy, I think he’d actually be good for you.”

They started discussing what food they were going to order when Anya arrived at the table. “Well, look what the cat dragged in.”

“Good to see you too, Anya”, Clarke got up to hug her. As they parted Anya looked at all the new, unfamiliar faces. “And who are these delinquents?”

Clarke introduced everyone to Anya before she took their orders. “The usual”, Clarke told Anya when she asked for her order.

She zoned out and looked around the diner. She really did miss this place and it was even better with her closest friends here now. Her eyes caught brunette hair on the stage. She couldn’t see the girl from the front, but she still recognized her. She would recognize that girl anywhere. The girl was wearing black skinny jeans and a leather jacket. The brown, wavy hair were tamed by several small braids.

When the girl turned around, blue met green. Green eyes widened a little, but kept staring back. Now that Clarke didn’t face the girl’s back, she could see her entire outfit. The skinny jeans were ripped, she wore her favorite sneakers, a white t-shirt that fit her perfectly and the black leather jacket that gave her a slight ‘bad girl’ look.

“Lexa”, Clarke whispered, still not able to break eye contact.

The girl, Lexa, finally managed to compose herself, broke eye contact and sat down on the stool with an acoustic guitar in hand. She readjusted the microphone, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Clarke was finally brought back and listened as her father ordered his food. Before Anya could disappear back into the kitchen, Clarke stopped her.

“Anya since when does Lex sing in public?” Anya looked at the stage, where her best friend was tuning her guitar.

“About 4 months. You always did tell her that she could do something with her voice and she finally decided that maybe it was worth trying. Besides Gustus is paying her money to perform and she needs it, so she doesn’t really have much of a choice anyway.”

Clarke wanted to ask why. She wanted to know what required Lexa to earn more money, but she knew she stopped having the privilege to know these kind of things when she ended things the year prior. Clarke watched as Lincoln and another boy, she thinks his name was Ryder, walked onto the stage. Lincoln took his place behind the drums and Ryder behind the keyboard.

Clarke’s heart skipped a beat as soon as Lexa started to sing.

_Some days it's hard to see_   
_If I was a fool, or you, a thief_   
_Made it through the maze to find my one in a million_   
_And now you're just a page torn from the story I'm building_

Lexa’s eyes stayed fixated on Clarke’s.

_And all I gave you is gone_   
_Tumbled like it was stone_   
_Thought we built a dynasty that heaven couldn't shake_   
_Thought we built a dynasty like nothing ever made_   
_Thought we built a dynasty forever couldn't break up_

  
_The scar I can't reverse When the more it heals the worse it hurts_   
_Gave you every piece of me, no wonder it's missing_   
_Don't know how to be so close to someone so distant_

Clarke knew this song was an original from Lexa and anyone that had eyes and knew about their history knew that the song was about Clarke.

_And all I gave you is gone_   
_Tumbled like it was stone_   
_Thought we built a dynasty that heaven couldn't shake_   
_Thought we built a dynasty like nothing ever made_   
_Thought we built a dynasty forever couldn't break up_

  
_It all fell down, it all fell down, it all fell, it all fell down, it all fell down It all fell, it all fell down, it all fell down, it all fell down, it all fell down It all fell down_

Clarke felt her heart break, just like it did a year ago.

_And all I gave you is gone_   
_Tumbled like it was stone_   
_Thought we built a dynasty that heaven couldn't shake_   
_Thought we built a dynasty like nothing ever made_   
_Thought we built a dynasty forever couldn't break up_   
_It all fell, it all fell down, it all fell down It all fell down, it all fell down, it all fell down (And all I gave you is gone)_   
_It all fell, it all fell down, it all fell down_   
_Thought we built a dynasty forever couldn't break up_

 

As the song ended Clarke had unshed tears in her eyes.

Raven leaned over to Clarke. “You okay?”

Clarke forced the tears back. “What?” “I asked if you were okay.”

“Oh, yeah, sure. I’m fine.” Clarke forced a smile on her face.

Her best friend gave her a pointed look, Clarke knew she was seeing right through her, but she couldn’t explain. Not right now. Not when she didn’t even know what was going on herself. She had a boyfriend, she liked him. A lot. She broke up with Lexa a year ago. She should be over her, shouldn’t she? So why was she still so emotional when it came to Lexa? Clarke told herself it was just the overwhelming feeling of seeing her again after what happened between them and hearing such a personal song. No reason to panic.

She thanked god when Anya arrived with their food. She dug right in to avoid any more questions. Jake gave her a confused look, but decided not to say anything in front of everyone else.


	2. So far from who I was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We'll get a little insight of how things work in Polis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the nice words on last chapter, I'm excited to continue this story and already have a few things planned  
> By the way the song in the last chapter is called "Dynasty" by MIIA, it also inspired the name of the fanfiction and of the first chapter  
> This chapter's name was inspired by the song "So Far" by Olafur Arnalds  
> The stuff that is in Trigedasleng is written in italics, I hope that fits  
> Enjoy :)

Talking and laughter filled the booth that the group occupied. They had finished their food and were telling each other child hood stories. After some time Anya joined them and was currently talking about the time Lexa tried to climb to the top of a tree just to fall off and into a pond in the process.

Lexa had previously finished her last song and was now walking out of the back of the diner, guitar case in hand. 

“Woods! Get over here”, Anya shouted.

Lexa silently cursed her best friend for putting her into an uncomfortable situation with her ex-girlfriend who she was totally over. _She wasn’t._ Lexa took a deep breath, faked a smile and walked towards the booth.

“Hello Lexa”, Jake greeted.

“It’s good to see you again Mr. Griffin”, she nodded to Abby, “Mrs. Griffin, …Clarke.”

Green met blue for the third time that evening and the two of them kept their eyes locked.

Clarke felt being pulled closer to her boyfriend. His arm resting protectively around her waist. Clarke could have sworn hurt flashed through Lexa’s eyes, but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared. The blonde tried to break through the stoic face and find out what was going on in the other girl’s head, but she couldn’t.

Lexa turned back to Jake when she heard him talk.

“Your voice is incredible. I had no idea how talented you are.”

“Thank you, Mr. Griffin.”

“How often do I have to tell you to call me Jake?”, the older man chuckled.

“Probably forever”, Lexa grinned. It was genuine. Lexa and Jake always got along great and he had become a father figure to Lexa. The brunette felt a sting in her heart as she realized that now that Clarke and her were not a couple anymore, she wouldn’t get a lot of  opportunities to talk to him. Thinking it was better if she started distancing herself from the Griffins, she looked at her watch.

“I should go, I promised Mrs. Duncan that I would stop by their house to make sure Aden’s okay since she’s away for the weekend.”

The Griffin parents smiled.

“ _What the hell are you doing?”_ , Anya asked confused, using their native language with the assumption that no one was able to understand them.

“ _What does it look like_?”

“ _Like you’re lying. You’ve been to their house to check if Aden needed anything before you got her._ ”

_"Since you apparently only know how to get me into these situations and not out of them again, I’m going to have to do that myself, so how about you play along and let me leave”, Lexa growled._

_“Why would you leave? We haven’t seen Clarke in a year, I know you’ve missed her, so sit down”, Anya reasoned._

_“I’m not going to sit there and watch my ex-girlfriend move on. I can handle a lot of things, but this isn’t one of them.”_

_“How am I supposed to know what you want?”,_ Anya stood up to look her best friend in the eye. _“You just stopped talking to us. You never even told me what happened between you guys, only that Clarke left and you didn’t think she would come back. Well now she’s back, so sit down.”_

Anya got angry. She was tired of Lexa closing herself off all the time. She missed the Lexa the girl in front of her used to be. Lexa put down her guitar case and took one step closer to Anya.

 _“There was nothing to tell. She left like everyone else does. Nothing new”,_ the brunette was tired of having to explain every single action she took.

But Anya had enough of it. She pinned Lexa against the nearest wall.

 _"Lincoln and I never left! YOU pushed us away”,_ Anya shouted. _“And your Princess came back so how about you get your act back together.”_

 _“You’re right, she’s here. But so is her boyfriend, so let me go.”_ Hurt was evident in Lexa’s voice and Anya took a second to study her best friend’s face. She loosened her grip on her best friend.

“ _I just want my best friend back”_ , Anya whispered. She usually wasn’t one to be emotional, but this was all starting to be too much for her. She hadn’t seen the real Lexa for 12 months, she couldn’t do this anymore.

 _“I can’t do this anymore, Lex. I cannot sit there and watch you hurting. You need to get over this. Please. I know the real you is still in there somewhere”,_ Anya pleaded.

Lexa freed herself from her best friend’s grip. “I’m sorry.” She picked up her guitar case and left.

Lincoln decided it was time to step in. He put his hand on Anya’s shoulder.

“Calm down. She needed to hear it, she’ll come around eventually.”

“I wouldn’t bet on that”, Anya scoffed as they walked back over to the booth.

“Okay. What the fuck was that?” Octavia asked.

“Long story”, Anya mumbled.

“Are you guys okay?”, Clarke asked concerned. She couldn’t shake the feeling that if she and her friends weren’t in the diner non of that would have happened. She felt guilty without even knowing what the fight was about.

“Yeah, we’re fine”, Anya sighed. “Sorry, I didn’t want to ruin the mood.”

“Can we get a short version of the explanation about what all of that was”, Raven spoke up.

Clarke glared at Raven, who just mouthed ‘what’ in response.

“Let’s just say my little sister hasn’t been the easiest to communicate with the past couple of months”, Lincoln explained vaguely.

“Wait, that was your sister?”, Echo asked. “But, and this is not supposed to come out wrong, but you don’t look alike at all.”

“My parents took her in when we were kids”, Lincoln clarified.

“So how old are you guys?”, Octavia wanted to know.

“Anya and I are 19 and Lexa is 17, about to turn 18, just like most of you I guess”, Lincoln gave Octavia a smile.

“Does that mean you and Anya are already in college?”

“A lot of things are different around here”, Jake jumped in. “You see, most people of this town are part of the tribe Trikru. They have different ways than we do.”

“Yeah, our native language for example is Trigedasleng, which Anya and Lexa used earlier. In our tribe the kids only go to school until they are 14 years old. And they also learn different things. A couple of decades ago the only thing kids used to learn around here is to fight, hunt, trade, Trigedasleng and a few other things, but now we also learn English obviously and a little Math. But we also still hunt and trade, so that our culture doesn’t get lost in the modern world”, Lincoln pointed out.

“Wait, are you telling me I could have gotten rid of biology if I just moved here?”, Raven exclaimed before she turned to the Griffins. “Why’d you make me go all this time?”

Abby chuckled, “So you don’t blow this town up.”

Even though the Griffins were not Raven’s biological parents, they took care of the girl. If you were to ask anyone who knew Raven, they would tell you that she was a Griffin.

“But what about getting a job outside of this village, isn’t that like really difficult without having any real education?”, Bellamy asked.

Everyone was intrigued by the way the tribe lived.

“Well you still have the possibility to change schools to get a better education, but barely anyone does that. Most people stay in town, try to keep the tribe alive and just live like they always have.”

“Or they can open a little shop, produce their own things or do something for tourism like Lexa does. She teaches the kids from here and tourists surfing. All in all there are enough options”, Anya mentioned who seemed more calm than before, sipping her drink.

“Or you could be like stupid Titus over there and go into politics just to get your ass kicked”, Anya pointed at a bald white guy sitting at the bar, glass of whiskey in hand. He had some kind of pattern tattooed on his bald head.

Finn scoffed. “That guy is in politics?”

“Well he used to be until Lex threw him out”, Anya laughed at the memory. “He wanted to keep things like the old way, which basically means that he didn’t want to give people the opportunity to have a life outside of this town and outside the tribe. So Lexa made sure he wouldn’t interfere with other people’s lives ever again.”

“Why does Lexa have any say in all of this?”, Echo inquired.

“Because she’s their heda”, Jake answered. When Clarke noticed the confused looks on her friends’ faces she decided to explain further.

“Heda is Trigedasleng for Commander. Lexa is the Commander of the tribe Trikru, basically their leader.”

“What? Didn’t you say she was like only 15 years old?”, Finn was confused.

“17”, Anya glared at him. “And we don’t elect our leader like you guys do. It’s difficult to explain, but we managed to get the Griffins to understand, so we’ll manage with you guys. Has anyone of you ever heard of nightblood?”

“Yeah, isn’t it this really rare blood type. I read about it in an article at some point.It’s black, right? Only a few people in the world have it, scientists still haven’t been able to find out what causes the blood to be black”, Raven remembered.

“Exactly, only _natblida_ or as you call them in English nightbloods can become _heda_. We believe that the blood being black means that that person is suitable to hold the spirits of the previous commanders and therefore become the next commander. When a commander dies, or nowadays retires, the conclave begins. In said conclave the natblida fight against each other. A few decades ago they had to fight to the death. The person that survived would then become the commander. But then the rules were changed, so that no one had to die during these fights. Nowadays nightbloods are really rare though, which means that sometime there is no conclave at all, because there is no more than one contestant. Whereas before the commander lead wars and made a lot of hard decisions, that’s not needed today anymore. So Lexa has usually the final say in every big conflict or event, but most of the time she can do whatever she wants and does not have to worry about what it means to be heda.”

Clarke looked around to see how her friends were taking it in. Octavia seemed very interested in the culture and started talking to Lincoln about their traditions while Raven told Anya about some theories how the blood could have turned black. Bellamy and Echo were busy laughing at Raven’s ridiculous conspiracy theories, like that someone kidnapped a bunch of people and gave them some kind of injection that was supposed to create a super soldier but turned the blood black instead.

I felt Finn leaning forward to whisper something in my ear.

“Wow your friends are really crazy.”

I scowled. “They are not crazy. They just believe in different things than you, no need to call them crazy.”

Finn held his hands up in the air, shaking his head as if he found all of it more than ridiculous. “Sorry, you don’t need to get so defensive.”

The rest of the evening went by smoothly. They talked and took their time to catch up until Abby and Jake decided it was time to get home. They said their goodbyes, while Raven, Octavia, Anya and Lincoln exchanged their phone numbers and left. Lincoln and Anya jumping on their bikes whereas the others got into the 2 separate cars and drove home.

* * *

It was already late when Lincoln finally arrived at home. He was pretty sure that Lexa was already asleep, but he decided to check on her. He wanted to make sure she was okay after what happened in the diner.

He walked into his sister’s room and turned on the lights. Lexa was nowhere to be seen. He closed the door again and walked into the kitchen. Empty.

“Lexa?” – no response. “Lexa, where are you?”

Lincoln ran up the stairs to look in his own room and check his parents’ bedroom although he doubted that she would be in there. “Damn it, where did you go?”, Lincoln cursed under his breath, he took out his phone and dialed Lexa’s number. It went straight to voice mail.

Frantically Lincoln pushed on Anya’s contact name and on the call button.

She answered at the second ring. “What’s up?”

“Is Lexa with you?”

“What? No, I just got home. I thought she went home.”

“She’s not here and I don’t know where she went”, Lincoln panicked.

“Okay, chill. I’m gonna call Clarke maybe she knows where she could have gone”, Anya reasoned.

“Damn it, I don’t know where she could have gone. I’ll go to Mrs. Duncan’s house, see if she’s there. Call me if you know anything.”

 “Ditto.”


	3. Who wrote the book on Goodbye?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looking for Lexa & talk between friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and comments. Before starting this chapter I wanted to say a few things.  
> 1\. Yes, I have read all your comments and I agree that Lexa's heart has to heal before she gets back together with Clarke and it will, I aready have it planned  
> 2\. I've been trying to answer your questions the best I could, but some questions are better left unanswered, because I don't want to spoil anyone. All I can say is be patient there's a lot that hasn't been revealed yet, it's only been two chapters  
> 3\. I appreciate all comments, those who criticized parts of this work too, because any feedback is helpful, but (yes there's a but) when it's criticism about the characters or storyline itself there's not much that I will change. I have this story planned out and I'm not going to change everything again, because I'm happy with how it is at the moment, so when it really really bothers you: stop reading
> 
> Having all this said, there's a conversation over the phone in this chapter and I decided to have one of the voices and the flashback of this chapter written in italics, i hope that's not too confusing, but since there's no Trigedasleng in this chapter, I think it should work  
> Thanks for your support. Here's the 3rd chapter  
> Enjoy!

Octavia, Raven and Clarke were sitting in the latter’s room.

“Lincoln is so cute. I’m planning on asking him out”, Octavia gushed.

“Nice, O! I’m sure he is going to say yes, if the way he looked at you tonight is anything to go by”, Raven winked before she looked at Clarke. “By the way, Lexa is your mystery girl isn’t she.”

“What?”, Clarke’s voice was an octave higher than usual.

“Oh my god, she totally is.” Clarke scowled. “Don’t even try to deny it, you have been crying about her for weeks, probably months.”

“Argh, okay yes it’s her. And don’t mention it, okay? I don’t want to make things weirder than they already are.”

“Okay, the only way something like this would be awkward if you still had feelings for her”, Raven continued.

“Please, just drop it guys?!”, Clarke pleaded.

“Sorry, we won’t mention it again”, Octavia said, knowing it wouldn’t help anyone to push the blonde.

“But...”, Raven wanted to argue, but Octavia shut her up with a glare. “Right, sorry, won’t happen again.”

Suddenly Clarke’s phone was ringing.

“Why is she calling you and not me?”, Raven exclaimed when she saw that Anya was calling.

“Chill, Rae. I’ll put it on speaker.” – “Hey Anya, you’re on speaker. Octavia and Raven are with me.”  


_“Oh thank god you picked up. Have you seen Lexa?”_

Confusion was written on Clarkes face. “Ahm, no. Not since the diner. Why? Is everything okay?”

_“No. She’s gone, Clarke. Lincoln came home and she wasn’t there. She won’t pick up her phone and we don’t know where she went.”_

“Didn’t she say something about checking on some kid?”, Octavia questioned.

_“No. Well, yes. Argh, it’s complicated. She should have been home by now. Lincoln’s already on his way to Mrs. Duncan’s house, but I know she won’t be there. I think she might be at the tree house, your house is closest to the woods, can you check if she’s there, please? I’m going to go back to the diner.”_

Clarke looked up at her best friends, when they nodded she answered Anya. “Yeah sure thing, I’ll call you when we find her.”

_“Thank you. Oh and Clarke?”_

“Yeah?”

_“I’m glad you’re back.”_

“Me too.”

 

* * *

 

The three best friends were walking through the woods, flashlights in hand.

“And you’re sure we are going in the right direction, Clarke?”, Raven asked skeptically.

“Yup. It’s just about two hundred meters further in this direction.”

After a few minutes, they stopped in front of a tree. A soft sound of someone playing the guitar was heard.

“See? Told you I knew where I was going”, Clarke teased before she looked up. The tree house was pretty spacious for it being located in the trees. A hook ladder was fixated on the tree’s stem.

“Stay here, I’m gonna go up and talk to her. Please text Linc and Anya that we found her.”

 

When Clarke entered the tree house, she was momentarily blinded by the light that illuminated the room. A mattress was placed on the ground on the left side of the entrance, whereas on the right books were stacked on a few different piles. It was proof of how big of a nerd Lexa really was. Lexa herself was seated on the mattress, guitar in hand. The empty guitar case and the brunette’s backpack were located next to the girl’s left.

“Hey”, Clarke said softly. Lexa flinched in surprise.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you”, the blonde added.

Recovering from the previous fright, Lexa took a deep breath.

“Hello Clarke”, clicking the k, just like she always did. She put the guitar back in its case. “What can I do for you?”

“I just wanted to see if you’re okay.” Lexa tilted her head in confusion.

“Lincoln said you didn’t come home. He was worried about you, so him and Anya called me and asked for help”, Clarke outlined.

“Oh.” Lexa looked down at her hands in her lab.

“So… are you okay?”

_She’s only here because Linc and Anya asked her to. She probably doesn’t want to know about your problems._

Lexa faked a smile. “Yeah, ‘m fine.”

“I could always tell when you’re lying, Lex. That hasn’t changed”, Clarke sat on the end of the mattress.

“You wanna talk about what’s bothering you?”

_If only it were that easy._ “No”, Lexa shook her head.

“Well, just so you know, I’m here if you want to talk. And so are Lincoln and Anya”, Clarke took Lexa’s hand in hers and squeezed it.

“I know. Thanks, Clarke”, Clarke smiled and Lexa thought that maybe Clarke being back wasn’t such a bad thing.

“I’m sorry by the way”, the blonde started again. “For how I ended things between us, you didn’t deserve it and I hoped that maybe you and I could be friends.”

Lexa knew it would be difficult to be friends with someone she still had feelings for, but then again it’s better to have Clarke as just a friend than not having Clarke at all.

“I’d like that.”

Clarke leaned forward to embrace the brunette in a tight hug. “My family and I will have a barbecue in a few days, bonfire included. It would be an honor if the commander would attend and maybe even sing for us”, the girl teased, which made Lexa blush.

“I’ll think about it”, Lexa relented. If she really wanted to at least try to be friends with Clarke, she had to stop hiding from everyone and everything.

“Great. So are you gonna go home or am I going to have to drag you there with Rae and O’s help”, Clarke grinned.

* * *

 

A few minutes later Lexa entered her house. As soon as they heard the sound of the door opening and closing again, Lincoln and Anya jumped up from the couch.

Lincoln ran towards her and hugged her. “Thank god, you’re okay. Never disappear without saying anything again okay?” He whispered in his little sister’s ear.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I know I’ve been acting weird and closed of the last few months. I’ll try to be better”, Lexa addressed them both.

Anya moved forward to hug her. “And I’m sorry for what happened in the diner. You didn’t deserve that.”

Lexa chuckled, “We both know I did. I’ve been kind of a jerk towards you.”

Anya shrugged, “Maybe a little.”

“Okay, I’m gonna leave, so you can talk. I’ll be in my room if you need me”, Lincoln excused himself.

“Anya, I have a question though. Why were you so persistent on making me sit with you and Clarke’s friends. I mean, I know I’ve been vague about what happened, but I thought I was pretty obvious about the whole ‘not being over Clarke’ thing.”

Anya sighed. “Yeah, that was kind of a dick move, wasn’t it? I’m sorry, you’ve just been so closed off and you wouldn’t even tell me what happened between you and Clarke. At first I thought that you were just depressed that you weren’t going to see her for a while, but when you mentioned that you didn’t think that she’d come back, I didn’t know what to think of it. You refused to tell me anything, not even that you guys broke up, I had to figure that out on my own. So I thought that if you interacted with her, maybe I could find out what happened or at least decipher if it was her that broke up with you or you that broke up with her.”

“But Anya… it does not matter who broke up with who”, Lexa sighed.

“It matters to me. Lex, you’re my best friend, you’re supposed to trust me. I have been trying to find out what’s up with you for a year now, I mean yeah, I had my theories, but I needed to know for sure. So when Clarke was back, I figured maybe she could get you out of your shell again or at least help me understand what happened between you guys.”

Lexa realized in that moment that all her friend was trying to do was to get through to her. Anya never intended to hurt her or make her uncomfortable, she just wanted to know what was going on. She wanted to help.

“I do trust you. I just didn’t know what to do or say. You and Lincoln have been friends with Clarke just as long as I have. I didn’t want to make you choose sides, it wouldn’t be fair that you lose your friendship with her just because things ended between me and her. But if you still want to know I will tell you what happened.”

“I really would like to know. I want to understand what’s been going on with you”, Anya responded honestly.

“Okay, so it was the morning of the day she left, we just finished breakfast and…”

_Lexa took the plates and put them in the dishwasher when her girlfriend came up behind her._

_“Hey, Lex?” Lexa hummed in response._

_“I think we should talk”, Clarke said._

_“Okay, ahm… Let’s sit down.” The couple moved to the couch in the living room and Clarke took Lexa’s hands in hers._

_“What is this about, Clarke?”, Lexa asked._

_“I’ve been thinking… and I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Unshed tears were shining in Clarke’s eyes._

_“What do you mean?”, Lexa was trying to stay calm, but inside she was panicking._

_“I mean us. I love you, I really do, but Lex, we see each other twice a year tops. Most of the time we can’t even call or text, because either it’s me who is busy with school or my friends at home or it’s you being busy here with your duties as commander and your job. I’m not blaming you for any of this, Lexa, but I think it’s time that we end this and maybe look for someone who doesn’t live hundreds of miles away.”_

_By now tears were streaming down on both girls’ faces._

_“N- No. Please don’t do this Clarke. We can work this out”, Lexa choked out, but Clarke shook her head._

_“We’ve been trying for the past three years. I know it’s hard for you too. Please don’t fight this”, Clarke whispered._

_“You really want to do this?”_

_“I don’t, but I think it’s for the best to go our separate ways.”_

_Abby’s voice boomed through the house, unaware of the conversation the two teenagers were having. “Clarke, we’re leaving. Your father has finished packing our stuff into the car. If we don’t leave now, we’ll be stuck in traffic.”_

_Clarke brought their heads together for one last time and pulled Lexa into one last kiss. They both knew it was a goodbye kiss. They both felt it._

_When they pulled away, Clarke whispered, “I’m sorry.” She wiped away Lexa’s tear while standing up and planted a kiss on Lexa’s forehead._

“…and then she left. I didn’t think she would come back, I thought I’d never see her again”, Lexa wiped away the single tear that managed to escape her eye. Before she knew what was happening, Anya pulled her into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry for not doing more to be there for you”, she whispered.

“Don’t be. I didn’t want you to know, I didn’t want to make things more complicated.”

“Thank you for telling me”, Anya said as she pulled back. “So how are you feeling now that she’s back?”

“I’m not entirely sure. I know that I still have feelings for her, I’ve been trying to move on, but it’s so difficult. I wish there was a button that could just turn of my feelings.”

Anya chuckled, “Yeah, I think you’re not the only one who would want one of those.”

“She apologized to me today. In the tree house. She said that she was sorry for how she ended things and hoped that we could be friends. She also invited me to a barbecue that they are going to be hosting in a few days”, Lexa continued.

“And what did you answer?”

“I figured that it would be worth a try to be friends and told her that I would think about the barbecue”, Lexa gave her best friend a small smile.

“There you go, my little Lexacoon all grown up and mature”, Anya ruffled through the brunette’s hair. “But seriously, now that I know what’s going on, if things get too stressful or too uncomfortable for you, just tell me. I have your back, sorry that I wasn’t helpful back at the diner.”

“You already apologized for that, Ahn.”

“Well, can’t hurt to say it again, because I mean it.”

“I know, thank you again. For everything.”

“Hey, that’s what friends are for.” This time Lexa was the one who initiated the hug. “..And to embarrass you in front of hot girls”, Anya added, which earned her a punch in the arm.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding”, Anya laughed. Lexa glared at her before joining her best friend’s laughter.

“And by the way, just so you know, Griffin is only getting away with this because I know it had to be hard on her too. Otherwise I would have already pushed her off a cliff”, Anya said seriously.

“Yeah, please don’t do that”, Lexa replied chuckling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of the chapter was inspired by the song "The Other" by Lauv


	4. Show Me How to Heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake and Lexa talk, Octavia is curious and Anya and Lexa make a bet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's been longer than I've planned. But now I'm back with a new chapter. I'm not really sure what to think about this chapter, but anyway: enjoy :)

“Yes. Well done, Aden. You’re getting better every lesson”, Lexa high fived the blonde boy and ruffled his hair.

“Thanks, Heda”, he beamed.

Lexa heard her name being called, when she turned around to see the older Griffins walking towards her.

“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Griffin”, Lexa smiled.

“Still teaching that little one, huh?”, Jake pointed at Aden.

The brunette chuckled, “Yup. He hasn’t lost interest in surfing yet.” She turned to her students, “Okay guys, we’re finished for today.”

Abby leaned into Jake and whispered something in his ear before she walked away, waving to Lexa. Jake smiled while looking after his wife before he turned back to Lexa. “Care to join me for a walk?”

Lexa smiled, “Ahm, sure. Why not.”

 

The two were walking towards the woods in silence when Lexa decided to speak up.

“You do know that if you kill me you’re going to be punished with our ways, right? I mean yes, I changed a lot of things, but-”

Jake cut her off. “Don’t worry, I’m not planning on killing you. I just want to talk to you.”

“Right. Okay, so what do you want to talk about?”, Lexa asked nervously.

“You okay?”, Jake asked. Lexa was taken aback.

“What? Me? Yeah, sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Jake gave her a pointed look. “We both know that that’s not entirely true. You know, I haven’t told anyone yet. Not even Clarke knows, but I had a little free time in the past year. I learned Trigedasleng. I know what the argument between you and Anya was about.” Lexa’s eyes widened. “You know, you’re allowed to feel hurt about everything that’s happened. You’re allowed to be angry.” He stopped and turned to Lexa. “But you’re also allowed to heal.”

Lexa looked up at him, trying to keep her emotions at bay.

“And leaning on others, accepting the support from your friends doesn’t make you weak, Lexa”, he added.

The brunette didn’t know what to say. She’s always been good at hiding what she felt. Ever since she was left behind by her biological parents, she thought that depending on other people was a bad thing. If you depend on other people, they let you down. That’s just life’s way. When Clarke came into Lexa’s life, the young brunette willed herself to open up, to let someone look over the walls she’s built up, but she still tried to be as independent as possible, but the thing is that when you fall in love with someone, you automatically depend on them. You want them to love you back. All her life she believed that accepting help from others would make her weak, doesn’t matter what Lincoln, Anya or even Clarke told her, she tried to do everything by herself. And now all it took to reconsider that statement was a father figure, telling her that it was okay to feel.

Lexa wanted to say something, doesn’t matter what. Just open her mouth and say something. But instead she took a step forward and embraced Jake in a bone crushing hug.

“Thank you, Mr. Griffin”, she whispered.

“No problem, kiddo. Whatever you need, I’m here for you. You also have my number, don’t hesitate to call when you need something. Doesn’t matter if it’s in the middle of the night, just pick up the phone and call me, okay?

Lexa nodded as they parted again, “I will.”

“One more thing though. Please stop calling me Mr. Griffin already. It makes me feel so old.”

The brunette chuckled. “Okay… Jake.”

“Oh, and I know that Clarke wants you two to be friends and I guess I want you two to be friends too, but if you’re not ready, she’ll understand. Don’t let yourself be pressured into something that makes you uncomfortable. I know Clarke still likes you a lot. If you ever feel like you can’t do it anymore, being friends I mean, if it ever gets too much, talk to her. She won’t force you to do anything”, Jake smiled.

Lexa nodded, “I know, but I really do want to try to be friends. I also know that I have a lot to work on and let people in again.”

“One step at the time, kid. No need to rush. Now come one, let’s get ice cream. I’m paying.”

 

* * *

 

“Claaaaarrkkeee. I want to stay here forever”, Raven whined while rolling in the sand. “Screw college, I’m gonna stay here.”

Clarke snorted, “Sure, Rae. You do that.”

Raven set up abruptly and gasped. “Did you just ‘sure, Jan’ me?”

“No, I ‘sure, Rae’-ed you. Now stop rolling in the sand, it’s going to end up in our room and I don’t know about you, but I don’t exactly enjoy having sand in my bed.”

Raven groaned in annoyance, “Yes mom.”

“Clarke, isn’t that your dad and Lexa over there?”, Octavia asked from the spot next to Clarke.

The blonde put her hand on her forehead to shield off the sun. In the distance her dad and ex-girlfriend were walking down the beach, towards them.

“Yup, that’s them”, Clarke answered before laying back on her towel.

“They seem close”, Octavia tried to sound casual. She desperately wanted to know more about the relationship, or previous relationship, of Clarke and Lexa.

“Yeah, my dad became a kind of father figure to Lexa when they met. Lexa’s parents died when she was little. At least that is what they think that happened. Obviously she still has her Gustus and Indra, but they work a lot and are more aunt and uncle to Lex than a mom and dad”

“What’s ‘at least that is what they think’ supposed to mean?”

Clarke sighed. “It’s not my place to tell.”

Of course Clarke had heard the story multiple times. Lexa was found in the woods when she was 3 years old. There were no signs of her parents or anyone else who could have left her there, but they found a puddle of blood nearby, which made them believe that Lexa’s parents, or whoever brought her to the woods, had been killed. But those are all just speculations since the blood could have easily belonged to an animal.

“Let’s just say that a lot of Lexa’s origin is unclear”, Clarke continued.

“Anya said Lexa teaches surfing, right?”

“Yup, why are you asking?”

“Just thought it might be fun to try out”, Octavia smirked.

“Octavia… What are you planning to do?”, Clarke sat up and glared at her best friend.

“Oh nothing. Just interested to try out a new sport.” Clarke new better than to believe the younger brunette, but knew that she was not going to get anything out of her best friend right now.

“I’m just going to have to warn Lexa then”, Clarke huffed.

“Warn me about what?”

Clarke turned around to meet curious green eyes. She hadn’t noticed that Lexa and her dad had arrived beside them.

“That O here wants to take surfing lessons and might have ulterior motives.”

Lexa smiled, “Ulterior motives, huh?” She turned to Octavia. “Are you going to tell me what those ulterior motives are?”

“Nope”, Octavia answered, popping the p.

“You sure you don’t want to tell me? I have some valuable information on my brother that I wouldn’t mind sharing.”

Octavia’s eyes lit up and Lexa knew she had the upper hand.

“I just wanted to know more about your culture. And maybe also how you and Clarke met and about the past years she’s been here.”

Lexa looked questioning at Clarke. She was glad that the two still had the ability to converse in silence. Then she looked at Octavia again. “Yeah, I don’t think you’re going to get much out of me.”

Octavia whined.

“You know, Octavia. I know their stories, but I also respect their privacy, so I won’t tell you what you want to know”, Jake started. “BUT I don’t think there’s anything wrong with showing you guys some pictures.”

“NO”, Clarke and Lexa screamed at the same time. They looked horrified.

“Oh, come on girls. Most of the pictures aren’t even that embarrassing”, Jake chuckled.

“Yes, _most_. There are still enough embarrassing pictures”, Clarke exclaimed.

Lexa put her hand on Clarke’s shoulder and green met blue. “I think we have enough ammunition to get back at him. Let him show them the pictures, we’ll have our revenge.” 

Clarke looked between Jake, her friends and Lexa.

“Fiiine.”

“YES!” Octavia and Raven screamed and got up to hug Clarke, which made Lexa laugh.

Lexa realized in that moment that this was the first time she really laughed and didn’t fake it. Maybe it really was as easy as Jake said. Maybe opening up to others was all it took to be truly happy again. Deep down Lexa knew that she shouldn’t get her hopes up that everything would become better again, but in that moment she didn’t care. She didn’t think about Clarke as her ex-girlfriend, as the person who broke her heart. She didn’t think about keeping her walls up. In that moment she was just Lexa. Maybe being friends with Clarke wasn’t going to be as bad as she thought.

Looking at the watch on her wrist, Lexa spoke up again. “I should go, I promised Indra and Gustus to help out at the diner today.”

“Wait, what about that information about your brother?”, Octavia asked.

“Oh, yeah right. He’s crushing on you just as much as you are on him.” Octavia let out and excited squeal.

“Okay, have fun kiddo”, Jake patted her back.

Clarke got up to hug her. “Don’t forget the barbecue tomorrow. I already told people you would come, so that they come too. The more the merrier.” The blonde grinned.

“I will. Thanks again for the invite, see you tomorrow”, Lexa waved, before she jogged to get her surfboard and drive to the diner.

 

* * *

 

When Lexa entered the diner smiling, Anya was already standing behind the bar cleaning glasses.

Anya gasped, “Alexandria Anastasia Woods is that a smile I see on your face? No, that can’t be. Since when does the mighty commander of the 12 clans smile again?”

“Ha-Ha-Ha. Very funny”, Lexa deadpanned.

“I’m kidding”, Anya held her hands up in surrender before she moved to her best friend and pulled her into a hug. “It’s nice to see that smile back on your face though. I’ve missed it.”

Lexa walked to the back through the kitchen and to the little office of her uncle and aunt. She knocked on the door before opening it. “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I’m here. Where do you want me?”

“Hello Lexa”, Indra looked up. “I don’t think we need you in the kitchen right now, Gustus and Lincoln have that under control. Anya is tending to the bar, so you can wait the tables for now. But I’m sure that Anya wouldn’t mind changing places with you in a few hours, so that you’re not always doing the same thing.”

“Okay, great. See you later, Indra.”

“Later, Lexa.”

Lexa got her little notebook and a pen to take the orders and returned to the main area of the diner again. Before she went to take the first orders of the few customers that were currently sitting in the diner, she moved to her best friend at the bar.

“Indra said we should swop places in a couple of hours.”

“I’m still baffled from time to time that you actually listen to her. Surprise, surprise the mighty _Heda_ takes orders from someone else”, Anya mocked.

“ _Shof op, Onya._ And stop calling me mighty _Heda”,_ Lexa rolled her eyes.

Before Lexa could move away, Anya grabbed her wrist. “Wait, let’s make a bet.”

“I’m listening.”

“We both have a 4 hour shift, right?” Lexa nodded. “Okay, we both do our thing for two hours and then we switch. Whoever gets more tips wins. The loser has to do everything the winner tells her to. Deal?”

“Deal.”

The best friends sealed the bet with a handshake.

“Oh, and Anya?”, Lexa smirked.

“You do know that I could command you any day if I wanted to, right?”

“Yes, but you’re a too good of a person to do that anyway.”

 Lexa smiled and turned around and went to take the first order of the night. She knew that her best friend would find some way to cheat, be it flirting with every customer or threatening them, with Anya you never knew. But two could play that game and Lexa’s competitive side was very motivated to win…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: find out who wins that bet and getting ready for the barbecue with the bonfire


	5. Your future - your decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who wins the bet? Talk about the future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that it took so long to write this chapter, but I had a few things I had to deal with in my personal life and wanted to make sure that I like this chapter. I don't like to post something that I'm not satisfied with.
> 
> I'm a beta writer for a new story called Looking for a light to call home by Keoky112, you should check it out.

From her spot behind the bar Lexa was able to see Anya flirting with basically every single customer. It had been three and a half hours since they started their bet, which meant only 30 more minutes to go. Lexa’s advantage was that most people were finished with dinner and the main reason for people to stay in the diner was to get a drink, therefore more tips for Lexa. That advantage didn’t stop her from using her commander status to persuade people to tip her more, though. Some would call it cheating, but she knew exactly that her best friend was using her body and her skill of threatening people to get more money from the customers. So, if Anya was using her body to get tips, why shouldn’t Lexa use her status as _Heda_ to do the same?

Lexa was currently pouring a glass of whiskey when Anya walked over.

“I don’t know about you, but the customers really love me. I’m getting so much money”, Anya boasted, but Lexa only smirked in return and slid the glass of whiskey across the bar to an awaiting customer.

The second the last customer left the diner, Anya bolted over to the bar while Lincoln came out of the kitchen to lock the front door.

“I’ve got 41$ in total. What about you?”, Lexa asked eagerly.

Anya grinned. “Oh, you know… JUST 2$ MORE THAN YOU. I WIN!!!” Anya jumped around, mocking Lexa for losing.

“Actually…”, Lincoln intercepted, which made Anya stop dead in her tracks. “Here is my tip for that beer you poured me today, Lex”, he said as he handed his little sister 3$. Anya eyed him with disbelieve before looking to her smirking best friend.

“You sure about that?”, Lexa asked innocently, referring to who had won. Anya turned back to Lincoln and growled.

“I’m going to kill you.” Lincoln decided to make a run for it and screamed, “See you at home, Lex”, before he bolted out of the backdoor, Anya hot on his tail.

The brunette chuckled and turned off the lights in the main area of the diner prior to making her way to the little office in the back of the diner to say good bye to Indra and Gustus who she knew would stay behind to finish the paper work.

She knocked on the door frame and stuck her head into the room. “I’m gonna go home.”

“Okay, Lexa. We’ll see you there”, her uncle smiled. The brunette nodded and left the diner with a huge grin gracing her lips. For the first time in a long time she finally felt content again.

 

* * *

 

It was the day of the barbecue. Lexa had just returned from her shift at the diner and was now starting to get ready for the upcoming barbecue at the Griffin home.

“Hey, Linc”, Lexa shouted

“Yeah?”, her brother stuck his head through the door.

“What the hell does one wear to a barbecue?”

Lincoln chuckled, “Whatever you feel comfortable in.”

“That doesn’t really help me decide, Linc.”

“I don’t know, sis. Ask Clarke”, he answered before returning to his own room again.

“Right… Ask Clarke…”, Lexa whispered to herself before she got out her phone.

**_Lexa_ **

_Theoretically, what does one wear to one of your barbecues?_

**_Clarke_ **

_Whatever you want :p_

**_Lexa_ **

_You’re as unhelpful as my dear brother._

**_Clarke_ **

_You asked Lincoln for fashion advice??_

**_Lexa_ **

_It’s not like I can ask Anya. She would mock me and say something like “Sure that you’re heda? Because a commander should be more than capable of picking something to wear” and then she would buckle over in laughter…_

**_Clarke_ **

_HAHAHAHA, that’s probably true_

_Casual. Just random pants and a shirt are fine._

_….unless you want to wear your commander outfit, to impress the girls, ya know?_

The last message confused Lexa. Was Clarke… flirting? No, that couldn’t be. She has a boyfriend, she wouldn’t flirt with Lexa. Then again Jake did say that she still cared about her. ‘ _No, Lexa, get a grip. Don’t get your hopes up. Just be her friend.’_ , Lexa tried to remind herself.

**_Lexa_ **

_Haha, okay, ahm I think I’m gonna go with casual._

_But thanks for the advice._

Lexa turned back to her closet. “Casual, okay. I can do that.”

She pulled out another pair of ripped skinny jeans and her orphan black t-shirt and her favorite hoodie to protect herself from the cold that would be coming in the late evening. She knew she still had time until she had to go, but Lexa has always been someone who didn’t enjoy staying inside for a long period of time, so she decided to put on her beat up chucks and take a walk on the beach. Before she left her home, she took her headphones and put on “Wherever I go” by OneRepublic. Music has always been a great way to escape the world for a few minutes. It also helped that her voice wasn’t too bad, therefore she didn’t have to worry about embarrassing herself by singing in public and could easily keep up with the original performer.

 

* * *

 

Meanwhile at the Griffin estate the girls were all huddled in a room, helping each other get ready for the bonfire. The boys were helping the older Griffin couple get everything ready downstairs.

“Lincoln’s gonna be there, right?”, Octavia asked for what felt like the 5000th time.

“Yes, O. I asked him and Lexa for confirmation, they both said he would be here, so chill, okay?”, Clarke groaned. She loved her best friend, but like most people she was a little difficult and overexcited when she had a crush. Clarke didn’t blame her though, as annoying as Octavia could be, she was happy that her friend may have found someone who actually isn’t the same annoying, sex-obsessed asshole as the girl’s previous boyfriends.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m definitely going to use this opportunity to get some people drunk”, Raven smirked.

“And with some people you mean Anya?”, Echo scoffed. They had all noticed the tension between Anya and Raven in the diner.

“Actually no, I’m gonna _flirt_ with Anya. I was actually talking about getting Papa and Mama G drunk”, she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Good luck with that, Rae. You know just as well as me, that my mom won’t drink more than one drink at parties like these. Especially because she will have to make sure that your drunk ass won’t blow anything up or set something or someone on fire”, Clarke replied dryly.

“Argh, you’re all boring as hell”, Raven groaned.

“Girls, are you finished? We need a little help downstairs”, Abby’s voice boomed through the house.

“Yeah, we’ll be down in a sec”, Clarke replied before turning back to Raven. “Raven, I love you, but I swear if you’re going to blow something up I’ll personally make sure that Lexa kicks your ass straight out of here.”

“Oh, honey. Two things. First, if you wanted an excuse to talk to Lexa you could have just said so and second, nice try but me nor my ass do anything straight”, the brunette winked before running downstairs to avoid the wrath of the blonde.

 

* * *

 

Jake was setting up the place for the bonfire, which would take place later in the evening when he saw a lone figure walking down the beach, but the person was too far away for him to determine who it was. He continued setting up a stack of wood on the side and then proceeded to lay blankets on the sand to make space for people to sit. When he looked up again he could recognize that the figure walking on the beach was actually Lexa. The girl was slowly walking towards him, when she looked up to see him, he waved.

“Hey Lexa, you’re early”, he said when she was in earshot.

She took of her headphones off and let them hang around her neck. “Yeah, I didn’t really have anything to do and thought I’d take a walk and since I was on the beach anyway I figured I could come by early and ask if you needed any help finish setting everything up.”

“That’s really sweet, Lexa, but I think we have everything covered. The boys helped me carry over the wood and the girls were getting ready and should be helping Abby with the food inside now.”

Unsure of what to do, Lexa started fidgeting with her sleeve. Noticing the anxious behavior of the you girl, he sat down on one of the blankets and started up a conversation.

“Come on, sit down.” He waited for Lexa to do what he asked before continuing. “Do you have any plans for the future? Stay teaching surfing, take over the diner? Anything?”

“Actually, ahm, I was hoping to save up enough money and-“

“Hey dad, do you know where the big spoon for the salad is? Mom, can’t find- Oh, hey Lex. I didn’t know you were here already”, Clarke walked out of the house.

“Yeah, I- ah, I thought I’d, ahm, come by early to see if you guys needed any help”, Lexa stuttered. She didn’t know if it was the slight irritation of being interrupted or how breathtaking Clarke looked in the dress she was wearing that made her stutter. _Get a grip, Woods._

“You girls can stay here and talk, I’m gonna go help Abby find her spoon”, Jake chuckled and stood up to walk into the house.

Lexa and Clarke were gazing into each other’s eyes for what felt like an eternity until Lexa couldn’t take it anymore and averted her gaze to look down to her lap.

“I’m glad you came”, Clarke spoke up.

“Me too”, Lexa looked up and took a deep breath. She knew that she would have to talk to Clarke at some point if she wanted to be friends. _No time like the present, right?_

“So… College, huh?” _Really Lexa? That’s the best you can come up with?_

“Ahm, yeah. I’m gonna study medicine.”

“Medicine?”, Lexa asked surprised. “Sorry… I just always thought you would major in art.”

“I thought about it, but it’s not really a promising career.”

“Somehow that sounds more like your mother than you.”

Clarke sighed.

“Sorry, it’s not my place to comment on that”, Lexa knew she had crossed a line and looked back down and started fidgeting with the hoodie in her lap.

“No…” That made Lexa look up again. “It’s okay and I guess you’re right too”, Clarke confessed. “My mother always did tell me to study medicine rather than art, but I mean medicine is interesting, so why not, right?”

Lexa smiled shyly, “As long as you enjoy it, it will be the right decision.”

It was never particularly easy for Lexa to talk about the future, even though she started the conversation. She never really had a say in her future. She was destined to become Heda, to be the leader of her people. She didn’t really have the possibility to just pack her things and leave. She’d be lying if she claimed she had never thought about running away, just getting up and leave. It was kind of ironic when she thought about it, she gave everyone the choice to leave by allowing to leave the tribe if they wanted to and by allowing to go away for studies, but she herself was stuck. Unable to do what she dreamed of. When she was a kid, people would ask her what she would do when she became Heda. She always answered that her main goal would be to give people a choice, merge the tribe a little with the rest of the world. She managed to do that by offering activities for tourists like hunting, surfing, learn to shoot with bow and arrow and a bunch of other activities. But there was nothing that she could do to change that her purpose was to be Heda. To be a good leader for her people. Someone who could show them that they could be something more than a dying tribe. Now that she had accomplished her main goal, she couldn’t help but feel a little lost. Like she didn’t have a real purpose anymore.

“Do you think it was the right decision to make?”

“What I think is not important, Clarke. This is your future, your decision”, Lexa smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“But how do I know if it was the right decision to make?”

“I cannot really answer that, the only thing that _you_ can do is think about the future. Where would you live? What would make you happy? What would you do to have fun? What job do you see yourself doing in the future?” _Who do you come home to?_

Clarke took a few seconds to process Lexa’s answer before smiled and hugged the brunette. Right, I’m going to think about the future. Thanks for the advice, Lex.” When she took a step back again, a faint blush graced Lexa’s cheeks.

“Yeah, no problem”, she answered.

“Clarke! More guests have arrived. Come here and greet them, please”, Abby shouted from inside.

“Duty calls see you later, Commander”, Clarke saluted before going back inside.

 

Maybe this friendship thing won’t be as difficult as Lexa thought…


	6. I'm not Bulletproof when it comes to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The barbecue and the bonfire. Jake and Lexa are bros. Lexa sings, Clarke might be a tiny bit jealous - Clarke Griffin? Jealous? Whaaaa-? Oh and Finn is a jerk (nothing new tho)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whaaaaat? An update so close to the last? Yes! Because I'm on vacation next week, so I probably won't be able to update, so here you go.
> 
> Also: I came out to my parents today. Yeeeey, pride! (or whatever, idk)  
> To everyone who's out to their parents: congrats  
> To everyone who wants to be out to their parents: good luck, it takes as long as it takes ;)
> 
> Song: Armor by Landon Austin  
> Also this is not proofread, because I just wanted to update and am too lazy too proof read it right now, so sorry for any errors

** Chapter 6 **

The garden and beach in front of the Griffin house was filled with people fairly quickly. Lexa was never one to enjoy crowds, so she decided to go to a more secluded area, where Jake was standing behind the grill. When he saw Lexa, he pulled her behind the grill to help him with the food.

“Having fun so far?”, he asked.

“Would you believe me if I said yes?”

“Nah, I know you don’t like parties or any event that involves many people”, Jake chuckled, continuing their banter.

“Yeah and I know you hate cooking or grilling for that matter, so why are you behind the grill, old man”, Lexa smirked.

“Okay, one: I’m not that old. Two: No one else can grill meat, my family and my daughter’s friends are useless”, he joked.

“Are you sure you’re not that old? Because I’m pretty sure that I see gray hair on you head.” She pointed at a spot on Jake’s head. “Right here.”

Jake put his hand over his heart and gasped. “Excuse you, young lady. You are not getting any food tonight then”, the older man joked and acted like he was ignoring Lexa.

The brunette was just laughing, she then gently pushed the Griffin father out of the way and took over.

“Oh, thank god. Finally, someone who isn’t as useless as my daughter”, he then looked to the crowd searching for his daughter and when he found her, he screamed, “Hey, Clarke. I’m replacing you with Lexa. She’s way more useful than you.”

The statement made Lexa blush, while Clarke shouted back, “Traitor!”

After a while most people were sitting at the tables, eating dinner. Abby sat at the head of the biggest table, Jake sat on her right and Raven on her left. Next to Jake were Lexa, Anya, Lincoln and Octavia. Next to Raven were Clarke, Finn, Bellamy, Echo, Monty and Jasper.

Lincoln and Octavia were in a deep conversation about god knows what, while Raven tried to get Abby and Jake drunk. Finn and Bellamy were having a discussion about football, Echo was talking to Anya about going on a hunting trip and Monty and Jasper were talking about when it would be the best time to bring out their “special”, as they called them, brownies.

Lexa and Clarke kept stealing glances at each other, when their eyes met, they were staring at each other a little longer than would be considered innocent, before one of them averted their gaze. They were currently gazing into each other’s eyes again until Finn put his arm around Clarke’s waist, pulled her a little more to her and shot Lexa a small glare. The brunette quickly looked down at her food on the plate, taking her fork, but instead of eating she kept pushing the food around on the plate.

Suddenly she felt a small hand on her arm, when she turned around Aden and Tris, two kids from the village, stood behind her.

“Heda, do you want to play soccer with us on the beach?”, Aden asked.

Lexa put down her fork and stood up, “Of course, lead the way.”

“Great, Heda’s on my team. You can have Luna, Tris”, the little boy exclaimed, before turning back to Lexa. “Heda, can I be the goalie.”

“Of course, little man”, Lexa ruffled his hair.

“ _Mochof_ ”, Aden bowed, before running off towards the beach.

Lexa looked back to the table, “If anyone wants to play, feel free to join us.”

Finn scoffed, “No, thanks. Soccer is lame, if you want to play a real sport, play football.”

Clarke shot Lexa an apologetic look. Lexa took a step closer to the table again and growled, “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that and if I were you I’d keep my mouth shut. Just because you’re one of Clarke’s friends, doesn’t change the fact that I can make your stay here very uncomfortable.”

“I’m her _boyfriend_ ”, Finn boosted, which earned him a warning punch from Clarke.

“Oh yes, sorry my mistake”, Lexa feigned innocents. Finn smirked, but his smirk quickly vanished when Lexa put her hand on the table and leaned towards Finn. “That means that if you fuck up, there are more people than just me who are gonna be after you. So, how about you be the perfect gentleman, be a good boyfriend and shut up before I drag you so deep into the woods that you will never find the way back. Because if you hurt Clarke”, she paused for a second and pointed to Tris and Aden at the beach, “or those kids, I will personally come after you.” She took her hands of the table and smiled dangerously, “Got it?”

Finn was at this point beyond intimidated and stammered, “Y-Yeah, ss-sure. Sorry.”

Lexa nodded stoically and walked towards the little group of people that have already started playing soccer.

Behind her she heard half of the table break out in laughter.

And that, kids, was the Commander”, Jake smirked.

“You looked like you were gonna shit your pants”, Raven managed to tell Finn in between laughing, as she nearly fell of her chair.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke and her friends were sitting on a blanket in the sand, having the perfect view on the ocean and the sun setting at the horizon. They also had the perfect view for the little soccer game that was taking place at the beach.

Tris and Aden were currently the goal keepers while Luna and Lexa tried to kick the ball into the opponent’s goal. Lexa was in possession of the ball and made her way towards Tris, but suddenly Luna jumped on her back and tried to make Lexa lose her balance, but to Luna’s dismay, Lexa just kicked at the ball, shooting it directly at the goal. They watched the ball flying towards Tris and the goal, Tris tried to catch it, but couldn’t reach it in time.

“GOAL! WE WON!”, Aden screamed.

Luna jumped off of Lexa and pushed her playfully.  “Really? You couldn’t have lost your balance once?”

Lexa grinned, “Nope sorry.”

Clarke glared at Luna and hoped that nobody would notice, but luck wasn’t with her that day.

“Who you glaring at, Griff?”, Raven asked, following her sight. “Ah, I get it, someone’s flirting with your lady. You jealous?”, the girl smirked.

“What? Me? Jealous? Why would I be? Lexa’s not my girlfriend, besides you don’t know if they are flirting or not, you can’t hear them.”

“Yeah and neither can you, so stop glaring”, the smaller brunette chuckled.

“Can you shut up? I don’t want Finn to hear you.”

“Why? Because it’s true?”

“I hate you”, Clarke muttered. She then stood up and walked back to get something to drink.

“We both know I’m right, Griffin!”

 

* * *

 

 

When it was finally dark enough to start the bonfire, Jake got up and placed some wood in the fire pit. Before he lit the fire, he walked back into the house to get his guitar. Might as well get someone to sing during the bonfire.

When he found what he was looking for, he walked back out, looking for his daughter. Clarke was talking to Indra and Gustus, who were seated at one of the tables.

He walked back to the fire pit and shouted, “Everyone get a place around the fire pit, so I can light the fire. Let’s go!”

When everyone was seated, he lit the fire and looked around. Moments like these are the reason he returns to his place every year. Everyone’s huddled together, looking at the sparks of fire in the middle. It’s no other-worldly event, but it’s special. He waited for a few seconds to not disturb the silence or the amazed gazes directed to the fire. When he felt like the moment was over, he walked to the bench Lexa was sitting on. He pressed his guitar into Lexa’s hand before he went back to his own seat next to Abby.

Tris, who was sitting next to Lexa, was looking at the brunette in wonder. “Can you sing for us, please?”

“Anything for you, _strikon_ ”, Lexa smiled and picked up the instrument so she could tune it.

After a few seconds, soft music started playing.

_I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you_  
_Don't know what to say when you made me the enemy_  
_After the war is won  
__There's always the next one_

 

Lexa poured as much emotion as she could into the song. It wasn’t an original, but it’s a song she could listen to anytime. It didn’t matter if she was happy, sad, stressed out or something else, the song always made her think of something else.

  
_I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you_  
_Maybe I'll crash into you_  
_Maybe we would open these wounds_  
_We're only alive if we bruise_  
_So I lay down this armor_  
_I will surrender tonight_  
_Before we both lose this fight_  
_Take my defenses_  
_All my defenses_  
_I lay down this armor I lay down this armor I lay down this armor_

Lexa liked to believe that when a person really loves someone, they will do anything to help their loved ones. To be for each other even in rough times, like the song say ‘We’re only alive if we bruise’. And that they would protect them with everything they had, ‘I will surrender tonight, before we both lose this fight.’

  
_I do what it takes to make this right_  
_But we got to stop before the regret_  
_After the war is won_  
_There's always the next one_  
_I'll do what it takes to make this right_

Lexa couldn’t help but look at Clarke when she sang the next part of the song.

_Maybe I'll crash into you_  
_Maybe we will open these wounds_  
_We're only alive if we bruise_  
_So I lay down this armor_  
_I will surrender tonight_  
_Before we both lose this fight_  
_Take my defenses_  
_All my defenses_

Lexa knew that all Clarke and her were, was friends, but the way Clarke looked back at her while she was singing, put a huge smile on her face. It was weird. She got over their break up, thanks to Jake who made her see that it was okay that she felt the way she did. She also forgave Clarke, she never told her, but she did. She wasn’t angry or upset anymore, maybe sad that it ended, but she knew that was the right choice. But although she knew all that she couldn’t stop the feelings she still had for the blonde and the way Clarke looked at her now, made her believe that it wasn’t that unbelievable that the other girl might still care about her too. Like Gustus always said, “There’s no on and off switch, when it comes to feeling.”

_I lay down this armor_  
_I lay down this armor, I lay down this armor for you_  
_I'll be you escape, I'll be your safe place, I'll be your shelter_  
_Your shelter yeah_  
_I'll be you escape, I'll be your safe place, I'll be your shelter_  
_Your shelter yeah_  
_Maybe I'll crash into you_  
_Maybe we will open these wounds_  
_We're only alive if we bruise_  
_So I lay down this armor_ _will surrender tonight_  
_Before we both lose this fight_  
_Take my defenses - all my defenses_  
_I lay down this armor I lay down this armor  
_ _I lay down this armor for you, I lay down this armor for you_

 

When she finished the song, she laid the guitar on the ground in front of her, most of the people cheered, some gave her compliments. Clarke was smiling at her from the opposite side of the fire and Tris was climbing on her, whispering a small thank you in her ear before she made herself comfortable on her lap.

Abby and Jake thanked her and told her that she should keep the singing up. From the opposite side of the fire pit, Finn shot her a glare, but she didn’t care. She knew Finn was angry that she put him in his place before and that she attracted his girlfriend’s attention during the song, but Lexa couldn’t care less. She was having an incredible time with the people she cared about.

She was happy that she could finally enjoy herself again. Moments like these gave her hope, that maybe one day she could be truly happy, with a little family of her own. Maybe with a beautiful wife, a house of their own, one or two children. She couldn’t help that a certain blonde came to her mind when she thought about the future…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it. If you have minor requests for the plot (like jealous Clarke, flustered Lexa or whatever) please comment, I'll add it if I see an opportunity. Clarke and Lexa's relationship is starting to progress, it will still take a while though, so stick with me. 
> 
> Have a great day :D


	7. Nothing Stays The Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fight between Clarke and Finn, Lincoln helps Lexa make a decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that the updates are taking so long, but I have a lot to deal with right now. I'm coming home very late because of school and I'm usually busy doing homework or go straight to sleep after that. I'm also dealing with depression and am not in a good place right now, but I will try to post as often as I can. Sorry, it it takes time, but I'm doing my best. I'm definitely not giving up on this story though. Please read the end note later as well
> 
> I haven't proofread this chapter, so I apologize for any mistakes.  
> Chapter name - In my Veins by Andrew Belle

It was the morning after the bonfire when Clarke made her way downstairs into the kitchen. Raven had mysteriously disappeared with Anya at some point in the night and hasn’t been back since then. The blonde was happy for them both, but was worried that the long distance would end up weighing on them too much and their relationship would end like her and Lexa’s. _Lexa._ It was great night, except for the moment when Finn said a few things he shouldn’t have. She mentally added to her to do list to talk to Finn about it.

Octavia, Bellamy, Echo and her parents were already sitting in the kitchen, eating breakfast.

“Morning”, she greeted.

“Good morning, kiddo. Have you slept well?”, Jake walked towards her and kissed her on the forehead before handing her a plate with pancakes.

“Yes. Thanks, dad.”

Abby put her newspaper that she had been reading on the counter and asked, “Do you guys have any plans for today?”

“Well, first thing is to look for Raven, who hasn’t come back yet as far as I know”, Clarke chuckled, the others joined.

“She’s probably too drunk to find her way out of Anya’s bedroom”, Octavia laughed.

“And after that I’ve thought about taking some of us to the woods. Octavia and Echo have mentioned that they wanted to learn hunting with a bow and arrow and knifes. And the ones who are not up for that could go to the beach”, Clarke explained.

“That sounds like a great idea, Griff”, Raven answered, who had sneaked in through the door facing the beach while Clarke was talking.

“Well if it isn’t future Mrs. Anya Pine. You disappeared and only show up now? Must have been one hell of a night”, she teased.

Raven smirked, “And one hell of a morning.”

“Ew, Rae. Too much information”, Bellamy cringed.

“Blame Clarke, she started it. Anyway, what is this about going to the beach?”

“Clarke is taking us to the woods to learn how to hunt. If you don’t want to you can head to the beach”, Octavia replied happily. Going to the woods, meant meeting Lincoln, since he volunteered to help Clarke teach her friends.

Clarke ate the last piece of her pancake, before putting her plate into the dishwasher and turning to Bellamy.

“Bell, is Finn still upstairs in your room?”

“Ahm, yeah. I think he was still asleep when I left.”

“Okay, thanks.”

The blonde headed to the staircase, where she met Monty and Jasper who sleepily made their way down the stairs.

“Morning”, Monty groggily greeted. Jasper welcomed Clarke with a tired grunt.

“Good morning to you too, Jas”, Clarke said sarcastically.

 

* * *

 

 

Reaching the guest room occupied by Bellamy and her boyfriend, Clarke knocked on the door. “Finn, are you awake?”

“Yes, come in”, her boyfriend answered without opening the door.

Stepping into the room, Clarke came straight to the point. “I just wanted to talk about yesterday.”

“What about yesterday?”, Finn asked innocently.

“Don’t play dumb, Finn. You know what I’m talking about. You shouldn’t have said the things you said to Lexa about the soccer game. Your behavior was inappropriate.”

“Come on Clarke, you can’t be serious.”, Finn wanted to continue, but Clarke cut him off.

“Oh, I am serious, Finn. Those are _my friends_. You should know by now that I don’t let anyone treat my friends like you treated Lexa yesterday.”

“I’m sorry that I voiced my opinion”, Finn got angry. “Besides, I’m your boyfriend, aren’t you supposed to side with me?”

Clarke scoffed. “If that’s really what you think I was going to do, you don’t nearly know me as well as I thought.”

“Well, if you’re so much happier with your damn friends, why did you even take me with you on this trip if you’re just gonna hang out with your friends anyway?” The second the words left his mouth, Clarke’s expression turned sour.

“Why did I- _YOU_ were the one suggestion that it would be a great idea to go on vacation together and when I told you that we could go to another place, _YOU_ said that you wanted to get to know this place and its people because they are so important to me. _YOU_ said that you were interested to get to know the side of me when I’m in a place I truly care about. A place like this. That sweet guy is my boyfriend, not someone who thinks he’s better than anyone else.” Finn wanted to take her hand, but Clarke took a step back. “I think it would be better if you went to the beach with Rae and the others today and not with me.”

“Clarke-“

“No, please don’t. I need time to think, you should too. You should think about how and why you’ve acted the way you did. Because this is not the person that I wanna be with.”

With that Clarke left the room.

 

* * *

 

 

Back at the Woods estate, Lexa was silently freaking out about a text she had gotten from Luna this morning.

 ** _Luna:_** _Would you like to go on a date with me?_

Lexa walked up and down in her room until reaching the decision to ask her older brother for help. Still anxious she pocketed her phone and ran to her brother’s room and knocked violently until Lincoln opened the door and she tripped and fell forward. Thanks to Lincoln’s fast reflexes he was fast enough to catch her before she hit the ground.

“Woah, Lexa. Where’s the fire?”

Lexa just shoved her phone into Lincoln’s hand. The boy read through the text a couple of times before he looked at his sister again.

“So… What are you going to do?”, Lincoln asked.

“I don’t know. I mean I can’t go out with her, I’m not ready, Besides I don’t even have feelings for her, like not even a crush and I don’t go in dates like ever, but I don’t want to hurt her and what happens to our friendship if I say no? What happens to our friendship if I say yes? I don’t know what to do”, Lexa rambled.

“Okay, slow down – you’re rambling. Take a deep breath”, Lincoln waited for his little sister to do as he said before continuing. “Luna asked you out, do you want to go?” Lexa opened her mouth, but before she could say something, he added, “What do _you_ want? In order to make a decision you need to stop putting other people’s feelings above your own for once.”

Lexa nodded slowly before taking a deep breath again. “I don’t have feelings for her.”

“Okay, you do not need to have romantic feelings for her already. Let’s do this differently: Do you feel attracted to her?”

“I don’t think so, no.”

Lincoln nodded, “Do you think that something could develop if you gave it a chance?”

Lexa kept silent for a second, thinking about it, before shaking her head. “No…”

“See, then you have your answer, Lex”, her brother smiled.

“But what if I hurt her? What if it ruins our friendship?”

“You just have to tell her the truth. Tell her that you don’t feel that way about her, but appreciate her as a friend and then it’s up to her to decide what to do. If she needs time to get over you I think that that’s what you should give her, but you’ll be fine, Lexa.”

“But I’ve been thinking about achieving happiness for so long and now I go around and ruin my friend’s potential happiness. It makes me feel like I monster”, the 17-year-old looked down to her feet.

Lincoln embraced her in a hug. “You’re not a monster and believe me when I say that she will be way happier with you happy as her friend than being with an unhappy you. And as for the achieving happiness thing – I think that you are treating happiness the wrong way. You’re thinking of it as a destination. Like when you achieve this and that or get this and that you’ll be happy”, he took a step back to look into her eyes. “But happiness is a mood, not a destination. I think if you thought about it this way, you’d find happiness a lot more often.”

Lexa pondered over his words until she realized he was right. All this time she thought that she had been unhappy the entirety of last year, but then she remembered the moments she had when teaching the kids surfing lessons. The small smile that graced her lips when Aden or the others achieved something. The time the kids jumped on her in celebration because one of their teammates overcame one of their biggest fears thanks to Lexa, who showed them that you control the water, instead of the water controlling you.

“I’ve never thought about it that way”, Lexa finally said. “You’re right – Happiness is a mood, not a destination. I like that.” She hugged Lincoln again. “ _Mochof, bro._ ”

“ _Otaim, striksis._ ”

“I gotta go. I promised Clarke to help teach her friends how to hunt”, Lincoln winked.

“You think that you’re gonna manage to teach those big city people how to _hunt_?”, Lexa laughs.

“Well, I’m certainly gonna die. But you could come with us, it will be nice to learn from the commander don’t you think?”

“Maybe I will join you”, Lexa smiled.

“You should. Think about it, considering the amount of time they are spending on their phones, they might give you a good review on google”, he laughed.

 

* * *

 

 

2 hours later Lincoln and Clarke were teaching Octavia, Echo and Monty how to handle a bow and arrow. Lexa had decided to go hunting alone instead of teaching Clarke’s friends. Hunting was like running, it helped her put things into perspective, it helped clearing her mind. She had talked to Luna before she went hunting. Lexa didn’t want to do it over text, so she met up with her on the beach. As expected, Luna understood and thanked her for being honest, but asked for a little time. She also reassured Lexa that she wanted to keep their friendship as well, but needed a few days to sort everything out. Lexa knew she did the right thing, but still felt a little bad because she hurt her friend. Even though it was not intentionally, a rejection still hurt – usually always did.

That feeling was the reason she didn’t want to help teach Clarke’s friends how to hunt. She needed some time alone to think about everything that's happened the past few days and how these little, nearly insignificant events changed a lot more than she anticipated. That’s how she found herself sitting high in a tree, bow tensed with an arrow in hand, observing the movements of a boar below. The boar stopped a few feet away from the trunk of Lexa’s tree. She didn’t have a clear shot, too many branches in the way. Moving wasn’t a smart idea either, since she would most likely alert the boar if she made a sound. She considered her options and finally decided to climb down the tree and risk scaring the boar away. She put the arrow into the quiver resting on her back, before beginning the climb down.

She was still approximately 10 feet above the ground when suddenly an arrow buried itself in the side of her leg. She let out a strangled cry, out of reflex her hand went to the wound. Before she could even realize her mistake, she tumbled to the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mochof, bro = Thank you, brother  
> Otaim, striksis = Always, little sister
> 
> A lot of you wanted Lexa to go on a date with Luna, but personally I don't think that Lexa would do that. Lexa is not someone who opens her heart for just anyone, she's careful, keeps to herself and only lets people in if she really knows them and knows what they are going to be to her. She's not someone who would just go on a date because someone asked her to. She would only say yes, when she knew that she had indeed feelings for that person. That's why I wrote it the way I did and I added the happiness is a mood not a destination thing, because I wanted to make it clear that Lexa does not need Clarke to be happy. And I also want to mention that even though it might seem like it now, Clarke is not the bad guy in this story. She just did what she thought was best for the both (=clexa) of them. 
> 
> So I added a little cliffhanger, but don't worry, I'm writing the next chapter at the moment, so I can post it either tomorrow or some day next week. You won't have to wait very long for the next chapter, I promise. 
> 
> Also if anyone is a one tree hill fan, I hope you've noticed the (kind of obvious) easter egg  
> Thanks for reading!


	8. Are we the Hunters or are we the Pray?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of the ending of last chapter  
> Chapter name from Game of Survival by Ruelle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friend of mine and I posted something about rude comments that we've noticed under several stories. We were told by a few readers that this went against AO3 guidelines, so I just wanted to apologize for that, we have taken it down now. And I also wanted to ask you that if you do not like something about my story, please give me feedback in forms of constructive criticism, so that I can do my best to improve my story. As for the support I've gotten so far for my story: Thank you, it means a lot.
> 
> Here's the new chapter - enjoy! :)  
> Sorry for any mistakes, all the medical stuff used in this chapter is what I've found online. I apologize if it's not accurate, I tried my best.
> 
> ***UPDATE****  
> A reader informed me about a medical inaccuracy concerning the injury. I changed a few things, so I hope it's now fixed and more accurate. If you notice any other inaccuracies or mistakes please tell me

Lexa was lying on her back on the ground. She tried to comprehend what happened. One moment she was climbing down the tree, to get to the boar, in the next she was lying on the grass, pain shooting through her left leg. She laid there, eyes closed, not daring to sit up, afraid to see the damage in her left leg.

After a few seconds, she heard hurried footsteps and someone kneeling beside her. Then someone cupped her face.

“Oh my god, Lexa, can you hear me?”, a familiar voice asked. But that couldn’t be… why would _she_ be here? Then she remembered what Lincoln had told her earlier that day – _I promised Clarke to help teach her friends how to hunt._

She opened her eyes – green met blue.

“Thank god, you’re awake”, Clarke sighed relieved. She got lost in the deep blue of the blonde’s eyes.

“Are you okay, Lex?”, Lincoln asked concerned.

“Sure, she’s fine. She just got a fucking arrow sticking out of her leg”, Echo said sarcastically.

She then noticed the others standing around her.

“I- I- I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to-“, Monty had tears in his eyes, regret and guilt written all over his face.

“What the hell happened?”, Lexa tried to sit up but groaned in pain, when she accidently moved her leg a little bit.

Clarke laid her hand on the brunette’s shoulder to keep her on the ground. “Don’t move, we don’t know how bad it is just yet. Monty was aiming at the boar and accidently shot you instead.”

Lexa groaned again, but this time in annoyance. “That was my boar.”

That statement earned her a chuckle from Clarke, Octavia and Echo while Lincoln inspected the wound.

“I’m sorry”, Monty had tears streaking down his cheeks.

“Don’t be. It’s just a scratch”, Lexa smirked.

“I don’t think so, Lex. Considering the angle of the arrow and how much of it is in your leg, it doesn’t look like it hit a bone, but it definitely teared a muscle and looking at how much blood is already seeping through, it could have also hit an artery, but I'm not sure.” Lexa closed her eyes at the news. She knew it would take at least 2 weeks for the injury to heal.

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea to take the arrow out, it might further the blood loss, but if we leave it in as it is, there’s a high possibility of the angle changing, which could potentially worsen the injury”, Clarke thought out loud.

“What about breaking it at the point where it sticks out, get her to your mom or Nyko and let them pull the arrow out. They’ll be able to help with the blood flow”, Lincoln suggested.

“Who’s Nyko?”, Octavia asked.

“He’s our healer. Okay, Lex. I’m gonna break it on 3. This could hurt”, Lincoln warned.

“Just do it”, Lexa said through gritted teeth.

“1…2…”, Lincoln broke the arrow in half, which earned him a painful groan from his little sister.

“I thought you said _on 3_ ”, Lexa huffed.

“Sorry, sis. Clarke, can you help me pull her up?”

“Sure.”

“I’m _heda_. I can stand on my own”, Lexa growled.

“You have an arrow in your leg – I highly doubt that”, Clarke answered before turning to Lincoln. “On 3. 1..2...3.” They hoisted her up and put her arms around their necks. Then they both put on of their own arms around the brunette’s waist to support her weight.

“I’m perfectly capable of walking without the support”, Lexa kept arguing.

“ _Shof op, Leksa._ If mom and dad find out that I let you walk after being shot with an arrow, they’ll have my head.”

“Monty, I put my phone in your backpack, right? Can you get it out and give it to Octavia? She knows my pin code.”

They started walking slowly while Monty was rummaging through his backpack, searching for Clarke’s phone. When he found it, he handed it to Octavia who unlocked it.

“Okay, what now?”, Octavia asked.

“Call my mom. Put her on speaker, she will be able to tell us what to do next”, Clarke answered before looking at Lexa. The brunette has turned paler than before, her eyes still open, but the tiredness in them was evident. With every step, Lexa put more weight on Lincoln and Clarke, her strength weakening.

“Hey, Lex”, Clarke waited for the other girl to look up. “Hang in there, okay?” Lexa just gave her a tired nod in response.

“Hello, Clarke”, Abby’s voice came from the phone.

“Hey, mom. We need your help, Lexa’s injured.”

“What happened?”, Clarke’s mom asked concerned.

“She was accidently shot by an arrow and fell off a tree. The arrow is in the side of her left thigh, we don’t think it got through to the bone, but it definitely teared a muscle and there's a rather big amount of blood, we don't know if it may have hit an artery.”

“Okay, don’t take the arrow out of her thigh. Where are you right now?”

“We’re still in the woods, but are making our way back to the beach right now”, Lincoln remarked.

Rustling could be heard on the line, then a distant conversation. It was clearly between Abby and Jake, but it was too distant to understand what they were saying. A few seconds later Abby got back to them.

“Okay, the hospital is in the next big city, we don’t have enough time to drive there. Jake is taking the car and driving to get you. He will meet you at the small parking lot at the edge of the woods”, Abby instructed.

“Can we take a break? I’m really tired”, Lexa groaned.

“Don’t let her fall asleep. If she fell off the tree, she could have a concussion as well. Before letting her sleep, I'd like to check her over to make sure that, if she has concussion, it's not a serious one. And taking a break is not the best idea either. You need to get her here as fast as possible. Do you have something to stop the bleeding?”, Abby interrupted.

“No, we did break the arrow in half, but I don’t want to risk pushing it further into her leg by wrapping some sort of clothing around it to stop the bleeding”, Clarke answered quickly.

“Okay, good thinking. Then I guess all you can do is try to get her here as fast as you can and again, try to keep her awake. Call me again if you need anything and text me when you’re with your father. I’m gonna call Nyko and tell him what happened. We’ll be ready for when you arrive. Be safe.”

“Thanks mom, see you later”, Clarke replied before Octavia hung up and pocketed the blonde’s phone.

 

* * *

 

It had taken them 20 minutes to finally arrive back at the Griffin estate. It then took Abby and Nyko another 45 minutes to patch Lexa up. Abby had told them that Lexa was currently still asleep in Clarke and Raven’s room and would probably stay asleep for a few hours. As expected, Lexa’s muscle had taken quite the brunt. The arrow had caused a grade 2 muscle tear, but missed any arteries. The blood loss hadn’t been as severe as expected and had at first looked like more than it actually was. Nyko and Abby stitched up the wound, put on some ointment to avoid an infection and then bandaged her thigh. They couldn't be completely sure if Lexa had a concussion until she woke up and ask her if she felt any of the signs, but since she hadn't vomitted and her pupils were not dilated, it was safe to let her sleep.

The girl would have to take it easy on her leg for at least 2 weeks, so that her muscle could heal properly and put a lot of ice on it to reduce the swelling. There were multiple factors that played a role in the brunette’s recovery. It would be difficult for Lexa to walk for the first few days, but it was necessary to move the joints and the muscle as soon as possible to prevent stiffness, atrophy, and weakness. She still had to be careful not to tear her stitches though, which could make things quite complicated.

Jake had informed Indra and Gustus about what happened and Monty, who continued to feel incredibly guilty about what happened, was offering to take over Lexa’s shifts in the diner and do whatever he can to help the family.

 

* * *

  

Later in the early evening Clarke went upstairs to Lexa’s room, to reapply the ointment and put some ice on Lexa’s wound. She sat on the side of the bed, Lexa was lying in and started to unwrap the bandage on the girl’s thigh. After reapplying the ointment, she started to wrap a bandage around her thigh again. She then put a small pillow under the brunette’s knee, to make her more comfortable and continued to put the ice on the swollen part of her thigh.

“This is not how imagined my day going.”

Clarke looked up to see familiar emerald green eyes look back at her. She smirked.

“So, you didn’t plan on getting shot in the thigh with an arrow this morning?”, Clarke teased.

“It was not exactly on the top of my to-do list, no”, Lexa chuckled before she groaned in pain.

“I’m going to get you some painkillers”, Clarke wanted to stand up, but Lexa grabbed her wrist.

“I’m fine. I don’t need those meds.”

Clarke shot Lexa a pointed look. “You do know that taking painkillers doesn’t make you weak, right? It just makes you human”, she smiled. “And, well, less in pain.”

Lexa let go of her arm. “I never said it would make me weak. But really, I’m fine, I don’t need them.”

“If you say so, but if the pain gets worse, please at least consider taking them”, Clarke pleaded.

“I will. Thanks for helping me by the way.”

“It’s the least I could do considering it was kind of my fau-“

“Don’t, Clarke. We both know that this was not your fault.”

“But it was my idea to teach Monty, Octavia and Echo how to hunt. It was _my_ friend who shot accidently shot you.”

“Exactly, Clarke. It was an _accident_. I’m not blaming you. Nor am I blaming Monty. This could have happened to anyone”, Lexa spoke sincerely.

“Well, anyone but you.”

“Oh, you should have seen me when I learned how to hunt. I was a mess”, Lexa joked.

Clarke grinned, “Yeah? You were that bad?”

“The worst.”

“It’s nice to be able to talk to you like this again. I’ve missed our conversation. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

They smiled at each other for a few seconds until Clarke looked away again.

“I’ve been meaning to ask…”, Lexa started. “There’s an art showcase at Grounders next weekend. You know how much Gus loves art and I won’t be able to do a whole lot with my injury, so I have enough time to plan everything. Anyway, we will showcase different paintings that represent the tribe and the evolution of our culture. I wanted to ask if you’d be interested in painting something that you like about Polis or about the tribe, something here that is special to you and contribute it to our showcase? Obviously, you do not have to, I know you are here with your friends, I just wanted to give you the opportunity.”

“Of course, I’m interested. That is an amazing idea, Lex. I’m honored”, Clarke’s smile had the ability to light up the whole room.

“Thank you, I hope my people will be as interested in it as you are”, Lexa anxiously started to fiddle with the hem of her shirt.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure it is going to be amazing. Besides, I’ve seen the way you are when you’re with your people, how they look at you. Especially the young ones - they adore you. I don’t think they could hate anything you do.”

“I hope you’re right”, the brunette still looked doubtful.

The growling of her stomach made both girls laugh.

“Come on, let’s get you something to eat”, Clarke said, helping Lexa up to go downstairs and join the others for food.


	9. Watch Your Shadow Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The art showcase - some things don't go as planned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the longest chapter yet, but I'm not sure. Anyway, the song of the title is Part of Me by Katy Perry
> 
> A reader informed me about a few inaccuracies in the last chapter concerning Lexa's injuries,it's nothing major but I changed it and hope that it is now more accurate :)

The next week went by in a blur. Lexa was busying herself with getting the art showcase ready for the weekend. Her injury had started to heal, but it was still difficult to walk for a longer period of time. Monty was still helping out wherever he could, feeling incredibly guilty for what he did, even though everyone had told him that they did not blame him for what happened.

Clarke worked on her painting, she wanted to get every single detail right. The painting was supposed to be something special, not only for her but for the tribe as well. Finn had apologized for the way he acted, but Clarke was still avoiding him. The apology felt more like Finn was apologizing for making Clarke angry, not for what he had actually said. She knew that she would have to talk to him at some point, but she did not want to ruin her and everyone else’s vacation by starting a fight.

Anya and Raven grew closer, so did Octavia and Lincoln. Bellamy was still a little wary of Lincoln, but backed off when Clarke told him that the other boy really was sweet and had no vicious intentions with Bellamy’s little sister.  
  


* * *

   
It was the evening of the showcase. Clarke had managed to get the painting into Grounders without anyone getting a look at it beforehand. She wanted it to be a surprise for everyone. She couldn’t wait to see the other’s reaction of her painting – especially Lexa’s. But she convinced herself that that was only the case, because the brunette was the one who asked her to contribute to the art showcase. Clarke had gotten ready earlier than necessary, to be able to bring the painting in time and make sure that it would not be revealed to anybody before the event was officially beginning.

Her painting had gotten one of the best spots in the diner and the blonde couldn’t shake the feeling that a certain brunette had something to do with it.

The diner was completely modified. The booths were used for statues and other artistic installations, the usual decoration on the walls replaced by the paintings. The bar was still the same since it was planned to be open for the night to provide drinks for the guests. The section with the paintings was isolated from the entrance by a big makeshift curtain. The curtain would be opened after a short opening speech.

Clarke heard the first few people arrive and knew she should get back to the area for arrivals soon to meet her family and friends, but before going back, she let a big smile overtake her lips and took one more look at the room before walking out to meet the others.  


* * *

  
In the meantime, Lexa went over the opening speech for the hundredth time.

“Gustus, why do I have to do this? It’s _your_ diner, shouldn’t _you_ be doing the speech?”, she groaned. She had fun organizing the event, but she had never been a fan of giving speeches, which was kind of ironic and unfortunate considering that she was the Commander and loved to inspire her people.

“No, strikon. That’s your responsibility. After all you organized all of this.”

“Yes, but it was your idea. Please”, Lexa begged.

“Nou get yu daun, Leksa. You’ve given tons of speeches already. You are gonna nail it.” _(Stop worrying, Lexa)_ Gustus said confidently.

“Come on, let’s go. Anya should already be at the diner, readying the drinks for the bar. A few people have probably already arrived, so let’s go – we can’t be late for our own event.”  


* * *

  
The opening speech has gone by without a hitch. People were walking around the diner, looking at the different art pieces provided for the night. Lexa was currently fixed on Clarke’s piece. She knew the blonde was and excellent artist, but she could not believe what she was seeing.

“Do you like it?”, a familiar hoarse voice snapped her out of the daze that the painting had put her in.

“Uhm… yeah, of course. I- I just didn’t expect it to be… this”, Lexa stuttered, turning her attention back to the painting.

A very fierce version of herself in her commander clothing and her war paint was looking back at her. She was flanked by Anya and Lincoln, who were looking just as badass with their war paint and traditional clothing of the tribe. In the background, she could make out the outline of a forest. It was obviously night in the painting, the moon standing high in the sky, being the only source of light, yet the unmistakable green of Lexa’s eyes was sort of glowing.

“I’m sorry if it’s not what you wanted. I just- when you said that you wanted me to paint something that is special to me or that represents the tribe, I immediately thought of you guys and-“

“Don’t apologize”, Lexa cut off Clarke’s rambling. “I love it.”

Green met blue for the first time that day. Clarke was once again overwhelmed by the emotions displayed in the brunette’s eyes. They had always betrayed the girl – no matter how hard the brave leader tried to hide her emotions, Clarke could always see right through her. Everyone who actually looked into her eyes could. They told the story that the brunette couldn’t put into words.

Neither of them knew how long they had been staring into each other’s eyes. It could have been 10 seconds or 10 minutes. Lexa finally managed to avert her eyes and took a shaky breath.

“So, what did we do to deserve the honor of being represented in one of Clarke Griffin’s great paintings”, Lexa tried to joke, but could not hide her genuine curiosity.

Before she could answer, Raven was quickly walking towards them. “Sorry to interrupt your conversation, but we have a problem. Somehow Finn ended up alone at the bar…”

“Please, don’t tell me what I think you’re trying to tell me”, Clarke groaned.

“I’m sorry princess, but he’s drunk. Like really drunk. Monty, Jasper and I tried to make him stop and drag him away from the bar, but he’s _really_ stubborn”, Raven informed her best friend.

Clarke groaned, excused herself and walked with Raven back to the bar. True to her words, Finn was sitting at the bar, yet another drink in hand, Monty sitting next to him.

“Look dude, this is Clarke’s night. You’re not supposed to get drunk”, Jasper said, standing next to Monty. Clarke smiled a little when she heard what her friend was saying, but it vanished as soon as Finn opened his mouth.

“You don’t get to tell me what to do and neither does Clarke. Leave me alone.”

The blonde told her friends they could leave and enjoy the rest of her evening.  
“Finn, you need to stop drinking”, Clarke tried to take the glass from him once again, but he pushed her away and pulled the glass to his mouth again.

“I don’t understand what you’re so worried about baby”, Clarke cringed at the term. “It’s not like I’m gonna do anything ridiculous”, Finn slurred.

“I don’t have time for this”, Clarke mumbled under her breath before turning to the surprisingly unfamiliar bar tender. “Please don’t give him anything else to drink” – she looked back to Finn – “I’m gonna get back to the painting. Don’t do _anything_ I wouldn’t do, got it?” She waited for her boyfriend to nod before turning around and walking away. She wanted to do more, but there really wasn’t anything else to do at that moment. Clarke could not just leave to get Finn home and she didn’t want to ask one of her friends to do it for her, they were here to have fun as well, not to babysit her boyfriend. She sighed again and then started looking for Lexa.

The brunette was currently having a conversation with some of the tribe’s elders and didn’t want to interrupt. She soon spotted her parents, Indra and Gustus talking in front of a painting and decided to join them.  


* * *

  
After Clarke had left her an hour prior, Lexa had been busy talking to her people. The artists thanked her for the opportunity to share their art and the others thanked her for the nice event, bringing her people together once again.

She was finally able to excuse herself from the conversation with Titus and walked to one of the free seats at a booth. Although a statue was standing on the table, there was enough space for her to sit and take some weight off her leg. She welcomed the calm feeling that washed over her once she was seated and didn’t have to talk to anyone. Although she enjoyed talking to her people, she preferred observing over talking.

Her bubble was soon destroyed by Finn stumbling towards her, two drinks in hand.

“I got you a drink…” Finn stopped abruptly, looking towards the ceiling deep in thought. “What did they call you? Commander?”, he slurred.

“Thanks, Finn, but I really don’t want to drink today. And yes, it’s commander”, she replied politely, silently begging whatever higher power was up there to make him go away.

“Oh, come on. It’s just one drink. There’s no harm in one drink.”

“Finn, Abby gave me pain meds because of the accident I had last week. I’m not allowed to mix them with alcohol”, the brunette leader grew impatient. All she wanted was ten quiet minutes.

“I’m sure one drink won’t do anything. Come on, have a little fun”, Finn smirked.

“What part of ‘I don’t want to drink’ do you not understand?”, Lexa groaned.

Finn’s expression changed immediately, anger overtaking his features. “Why do you have to be such a bitch?” He started talking loudly, gaining attention from the rest of the room. “I just wanted to get you a drink as a peace offering, you don’t have to get all bitchy about it, just because the girl you like is in love with me and not you.”

 

Clarke and her friends were making their way through the crowd. They could hear Finn insulting someone, but the people in front of her blocked their view to see who was on the receiving end of his words.

 

Lexa stood up and grabbed Finn by his collar. “Listen, douchebag. I don’t know what Clarke sees in you, but it is her choice whom she dates and I accept her decision of breaking up with me. What I don’t accept on the other hand, is you barging in here, on a night that’s important to your girlfriend, get drunk and insult me. You have no idea who I am or what I am capable of so how about you back off and shut your mouth unless spoken to.” Lexa sounded intimidating, her voice low, yet threatening.

Clarke and her friends had finally managed to get through the crowd when Lexa grabbed him by his collar. All Clarke could do is stand by, mouth wide agape, staring at the spectacle in front of her with wide eyes.

When Lexa finally let go of Finn, Clarke picked up her jaw from the floor and stepped forward. She had heard every word that Finn had said while making her way through the crowd.

“What the hell, Finn?”, Clarke exclaimed. “You promised not to do anything stupid.”

“Come on, princess. You can’t possible side with that bitch”, he slurred.

That statement pushed Clarke over the cliff. Anger flashed through her eyes as she punched Finn in the nose.

A round of “oh”s and a “Go Clarke” from Raven, reminded Clarke that they weren’t alone. She took Finn’s hand and dragged him into the back of the diner to have some privacy.

As soon as they were alone Clarke let go of Finn’s hand.

“I can’t believe you. Why did you do that?”, saying Clarke was upset was an understatement.

“ _I_ didn’t do anything, but offer her a drink and then she was all bitchy, lying about being on some kind of pain medication that she couldn’t mix with alcohol”, Finn defended himself.

“That wasn’t a lie, Finn!”, she screamed. “ _You_ screwed this up, not Lexa.”

“I didn’t screw anything up.”

“Yes, you did, Finn! You promised me you wouldn’t do anything, yet you went ahead and ruined the evening anyway.”

“It’s not my fault she’s jealous of our relationship”, Finn shrugged, not taking anything seriously.

Clarke took a glass, filled it with water and splashed it on Finn’s face to sober him up a little bit.

“What the fuck, Clarke?”

“Are you even listening to me?! How is this not your fault? You screwed up and can’t even admit it”, the blonde shouted.

“I’m not admitting something that’s not true.”

Clarke through her hands up in the air. “I can’t believe this. Why are you like this? What the hell happened to you? Because you are definitely _not_ the boy I started to date. That boy was sweet, a gentleman and would never act the way you did in the past three weeks. You started acting weird back at home, but I thought you were just stressed with exams. So tell me what made you change?”, tears were forming in the girl’s blue eyes.

“I didn’t change, Clarke. You’re the one who changed – siding with that bitch instead of siding with your _boyfriend_. And you don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not the man in the relationship.”

Clarke was sure that if she hadn’t been so baffled by Finn’s words, she would have tackled him to the ground in anger. Suddenly the door opened and Raven pushed Lexa into the room before she entered as well and closed the door behind her. When Raven saw the questioning gaze of her best friend, she clarified, “Lexa has interesting information about Finn. One of the other artists informed her.”

“Uhm... Uh…”, Lexa stumbled over her words. “Right, so Niylah told me that Finn hit on her multiple times this evening.” Her eyes stayed on the floor, not willing to see the heartbreaking emotions on her former lover’s features. “She had told him that she wasn’t interested – she’s gay, not that it matters – uhm, anyway, he was pretty persistent and made more than one reference to having the intention to sleep with her.” When she stopped rambling, she finally looked up, but the blue eyes weren’t looking at her anymore. They were looking at Finn, who had the decency to look guilty.

“Look, I can explain”, Finn tried to reason, but Clarke cut him off.

“No, you don’t get to explain. I have enough. We-“, she pointed at the space between the two of them, “are over. You should get your stuff, my dad will drive you to the nearest train station. Don’t contact me again.” With that, she turned around and left the diner through the back door. Raven asked Lexa to stay and explain everything to the others before she took off to catch up with her best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a huge part of how Finn is acting is actually what really happened to my best friend with her sister's boyfriend. He got drunk at a family party and did all kind of shit, so Finn is based on my best friend's sister's boyfriend. She also helped in creating the details of what's happening in this chapter, so huge thanks to her <3
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	10. Caught Up In The Day With My Night Dreams And My Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this one is shorter than the others. It just felt right to end it at this point and I didn't want to ruin the chapter by adding another few hundred words that (in my opinion) wouldn't have fit into the chapter.

It was currently 5am and Lexa was still lying awake in her bed. After Clarke left, Lexa made her way back outside to the others. At first, she informed Jake and Abby about the incident, but when Lexa mentioned Finn’s behavior, the informing part quickly turned into a “restrain Jake and prevent him from killing Finn” part. Personally, Lexa wouldn’t have minded if Jake went after Finn, but she knew that Clarke only wanted him out of her life, not have him killed.

Clarke’s friends left with the older Griffins after they heard what was going on. Since Lexa’s only task was to open the night with her speech, she decided to call it a night as well. She went straight to bed as soon as she got home, but couldn’t fall asleep while her thoughts were running wild.

Clarke texted her at some point in the night to thank her and to tell her that she and Raven were home safe, but the brunette ignored it. She knew it was stupid and irrational, but she couldn’t help but feel like she didn’t deserve a ‘thank you’ from Clarke. She felt like it was partly her fault that the blonde’s relationship was ruined tonight even though another part of her knew that due to Finn’s behavior the relationship wouldn’t have lasted anyway and that telling Clarke about her boyfr- well now ex-boyfriend flirting with Niylah was better than knowing it, but keeping it a secret anyway.

In moments like these Lexa had a hard time understanding what she was really thinking. She _knew_ that none of it was her fault, she _knew_ that feeling guilty was irrational, yet she couldn’t keep her insecurities at bay. Groaning at how complicated she was, Lexa got out of bed and put on some clothes. Maybe an early morning run could help take her mind of things.  
  


* * *

 

“Clarke! Stop!”, Raven shouted, trying to catch up with her best friend. She sighed in relieve when she saw Clarke stop a few meters in front of her. The blonde turned around abruptly. Raven expected tears running down her best friend’s face, but all she could see was the anger shining in the other girl’s eyes.

“Why does this crap always happen to me?”, Clarke seethed. “I’m not even sad, I’m just so damn angry. Nothing in my life _lasts_. Why?”

“Look Clarke”, Raven started. Saying she was shocked was an understatement, she would have never expected Clarke to react like this. “I am no expert concerning relationships, you know that.” The Latina noticed Clarke opening her mouth to say something, but she just held up her hand and continued. “Don’t even try to deny it. We both know I suck at relationships. Anyway, the point is that relationships – especially at our age – usually don’t last. You might have a lot of shitty relationships in the years to come, but I promise you that one day, you will meet someone, who will cause butterflies erupting in your stomach, just because you look at them. Who will be there for you no matter what, who will want to be with you every second of every day. You just have to keep looking.”

The second Raven finished her speech, she was embraced in a bone crushing hug. “Thank you”, Clarke whispered in the brunette’s ear.

“Always, but there’s someone else you should thank.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll text Lexa as soon as we’ll get back home.”

“I actually meant that Niylah person, but good thing you immediately thought about your ex-girlfriend”, Raven winked.

Clarke snapped her head back up to meet her best friend’s eyes, “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh nothing”, Raven smirked and began walking.

“This conversation is not over!”, Clarke shouted. “And by the way, you’re going in the wrong direction.”

The brunette quickly turned around and walked past Clarke, this time in the right direction. “Right, I knew that. I was just making sure you paid attention.”

Clarke chuckled, “If you say so…”  
  


* * *

 

When they got home, their friends were already waiting for them. Octavia ran towards Clarke and pulled her into a hug. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah”, Clarke responded, but Octavia didn’t buy it.

“I’m serious. I am pissed about how he behaved and what he did, but really, I should have known that this couldn’t last. My heart wasn’t in this and looking at how he flirted with one of Lexa’s people, his wasn’t either.”

“I’m glad you’re okay, Clarke”, Bellamy reassuringly squeezed her shoulder. “Your dad and Finn just left to drive to the train station.

“Now? But it’s the middle of the night. They could have waited until the morning.”

“Papa G wasn’t having any of it. He told Finn to pack his bags the second we got back. Don’t worry, Finn will arrive back home in the morning and your dad will be back in an a little under two hours.”

“How about we make this into a movie night and all sleep downstairs together. I’m sure Papa G won’t have a problem with it.” They didn’t even get through the first movie before they fell asleep and that’s how Jake found them when he came home that night. All snuggled together while the movie was silently playing in the background.  
  


* * *

 

Lexa was running down the beach, ‘One Bad Night’ by Hayley Kiyoko blasting through her headphones. Listening to music while running always gave her some kind of thrill. It was easy for her to connect with the artists and the lyrics, to feel the music course through her body.

When she saw the sun starting to rise, she stopped and lay down in the sand. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in before releasing it again. The run and the music have helped to push her thoughts to the background. She has always been one to overthink anything and everything. That’s why up until this day, one of the lyrics she related most to, was from Hayley Kiyoko’s song ‘This Side of Paradise’. She still remembered how she was overthinking what she had said while fighting with Anya. She was sure that her mistake cost her the best friendship she has ever had and she sought refuge in music, so she browsed through the internet and stumbled over Hayley Kiyoko or more specific ‘This Side of Paradise’. Back then she thought that she was the only one who was constantly having problems with ridding her mind of these thoughts, but as soon as she heard the line “I’m caught up in the day with my night dreams and my mistakes”, she felt like maybe she wasn’t the only one who was overthinking everything they do. It reassured her that nothing was wrong with her.

Finally feeling somewhat at peace, she paused the music, took off her headphones and sat up to watch the sun rise. It was the simple things, like watching the sunrise, that made getting through the day a little easier.

A few minutes later, she heard someone sit down next to her. She didn’t need to look up to see who it was.

“You’re up early”, she said, still not taking her eyes of the horizon.

“Well, so are you”, the more than familiar voice responded.

“Yeah, but you sure as hell are no morning person”, a little smile appeared on Lexa’s face.

“That’s true, but you always did say that I missed the best time of day by sleeping in. And when I look at the sun rising above the ocean, I think you might have been right.”

Lexa finally looked up and immediately got lost in a sea of blue. It was kind of ironic really, she was sitting on the beach, in front of the ocean and under a clear, blue sky. Yet neither the blue of the sky nor the blue of the ocean was the blue she got lost in.

“Thank you again for yesterday. I wasn’t sure you got my text”, Clarke said honestly.

Lexa’s body tensed. “No problem and uhm, I did, I just…”

“You don’t have to explain why you didn’t answer, Lex. I just wanted to let you know”, Clarke smiled, happy that Lexa relaxed again.

“So, how- how are you doing? With everything that happened yesterday?”

“I’m not sure actually. I expected to be sad, but really I was only angry yesterday and today it’s like I’ve never been in a relationship with him.”

_Did she get over me this fast as well? Sure, she did, she broke up with you for a reason, you moron. But she said it was because of the distance. But-,_

Lexa’s thoughts and insecurities were quickly silenced when Clarke continued. “To be honest, I don’t really think that I ever expected a future with him. I mean yes, I liked him. He was a nice guy, but I’ve never loved him. I mean breaking up with you was way more difficult.” The blonde cringed at her own words. “I’m sorry. Talking to my ex-girlfriend about breaking up with my ex-boyfriend is probably not the best idea and then bringing our history up... That was insensitive of me. I’m sorry.” Clarke looked down at her feet.

Before she realized what she was doing, Lexa took Clarke’s hand in her own. “Hey, don’t apologize. Yes, I’m your ex-girlfriend, but I’m also your friend.”

Clarke leaned onto Lexa’s shoulder and squeezed the other girl’s hand. “Thanks, Lex. For everything.”

“Always"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope that I explained Lexa's attitude in a way that most of you understand... Lexa's behavior is pretty complicated, because deep down she knows that non of Flarke's breakup had anything to do with her, but she has issues with her insecurities that surface in moments like these.


	11. Caught In The Thought Of That Time (when everything was fine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter from Clarke's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like I updated 350 years ago. So sorry about that, to be honest it's been hard to find inspiration, but just so you know I would never give up on this story. So thanks to those who are still reading for sticking with me.  
> Chapter title from All the King's horses by Karmina  
> Enjoy :)

“CLARKE!”, the blonde heard her best friend shout out her name as she got back to the house.

“Yes, Raven?”, she sighed.

“Where the hell have you been?”, the Latina pointed her finger at her accusingly. Before Clarke could open her mouth to defend herself, Octavia elbowed the brunette in the stomach.

“What Raven meant to say… How are you doing?”

The blonde smiled. As much as she loved Raven, talking to Octavia about things like feelings usually was a lot more helpful, because she actually tried to help instead of cracking jokes every single second.

“I’m doing fine, thank you, _Octavia_. I just went to the beach to enjoy the sunrise”, Clarke responded while plopping down on one of the chairs at the dinner table.

“Octavia, I think Clarke’s going crazy. She’s never been up this early.” The statement earned Raven another punch from Octavia, this time on her shoulder.

“Can you stop hitting me?”, Raven exclaimed as Jake made his way downstairs.

“What did she do?”, Jake chuckled and pointed at the brunette, who was now rubbing her shoulder in an attempt to lessen the pain from Octavia’s punch.

“She made a stupid comment about Clarke getting up early to go to the beach”, Octavia supplied.

“Oh, you went to the beach? Was Lexa there?”, Jake smirked as his daughter blushed.

“She might have been… But that’s not the reason why I went.” The older Griffin shot her a pointed look.

“Okay, it was not the sole reason why I was there. I did want to talk to her, but I also wanted to look at the sunrise to get a little inspiration for a new painting.”

“That’s great, kiddo. I can’t wait to see it when it’s finished. How about you go and get the others? I’m gonna start on the pancakes”, Jake winked before he turned his attention to making breakfast.  


* * *

  
Clarke was sitting in her room in front of a white canvas. She was ready to paint the sun rise, like she planned to, but her thoughts couldn’t help but travel to Lexa and Finn. _How did things get this complicated this quickly?_ Ever since she arrived at Polis, she thought about all the _what ifs_ , that were created after she and Lexa broke up. _What if they were still together? Did she make the right choice?_ Deep down she knew it was the right choice, especially since she would be at college soon. She would just be busier than before and wouldn’t have time for a relationship – particularly a long distance one. She wished things were different. She wished things wouldn’t have ended the way they did – with not one, but two broken hearts. That day was forever engraved in her brain - she could remember it like yesterday.

_“You really want to do this?”_

_  
“I don’t, but I think it’s for the best to go our separate ways.”_

_Abby’s voice boomed through the house, unaware of the conversation the two teenagers were having. “Clarke, we’re leaving. Your father has finished packing our stuff into the car. If we don’t leave now, we’ll be stuck in traffic.”_

_  
Clarke brought their heads together for one last time and pulled Lexa into one last kiss. They both knew it was a goodbye kiss. They both felt it._

_When they pulled away, Clarke whispered, “I’m sorry.” She wiped away Lexa’s tear while standing up and planted a kiss on Lexa’s forehead._

_Clarke made her way to the car where her parents were waiting. Tears streamed down her face._

_“Clarke, honey, are you okay? What happened?”, Abby asked when she saw her daughter step into the car._

_“Please just drive”, the blonde managed to get out._  


* * *

_  
_ _When they arrived at home, Clarke immediately locked herself into her room. Her parents gave her some space until it was time for dinner and their daughter was still not coming out of her room. That’s how Jake found himself knocking on his daughter’s door._

_“Clarke? Can I come in?”_

_The younger Griffin unlocked the door and waited for her father to come in. She went back to lying on her bad, burying her face into her pillow. After a few seconds, she felt the edge of her mattress dip down. Her father laid down next to her and let her cry into his shoulder._

_Clarke didn’t know how long they stayed like this, it could have been minutes or hours – the blonde couldn’t tell. After Clarke finally stopped sobbing and got her breathing under control, Jake squeezed her shoulder._

_“You wanna tell me what happened with you and Lexa back at the house in Polis?”, he asked quietly._

_Clarke took a deep breath and started recalling what happened. When she was finished, her eyes were filled with tears again._

_“I just miss her so much already. I was sure before, but now I don’t know if I did the right thing.” A tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek. “How do I know if I made the right decision?”_

_Jake looked at her, a sad smile gracing his lips. “You don’t. Not yet anyway. You’ll have to try to keep going with your life, do what makes you happy. And if you did the right thing, you will be able to look back at your memories with Lexa without having to regret that you ended it. But you will have to keep going, because otherwise you will never know what you are really feeling – if you did the right choice. And all you will have left is worrying about ‘what ifs’.”_

_Clarke hated feeling like this. It felt like some ripped out her heart and broke it into a million pieces. She could not help but think of how Lexa was feeling right now. She didn’t feel like she deserved feeling sad, feeling sorry for herself. Because **she** left Lexa. Not the other way around. If she felt this broken… she couldn’t imagine what Lexa must have felt after what she did. The guilt felt like a hand that was closed around her throat, trying to stop her from breathing. _

_“I thought it was the best choice at that moment. I am going to college next year and she is going to stay at Polis. It just felt wrong to keep her for another year and then leave her behind to go to college. I want her to find someone who actually has time for her. We both deserve someone who does not live hundreds of miles away, so I thought ending things now would be better than breaking up with her over the phone when the distance becomes insufferable. But what if I was wrong? What if all I did was cause us pain? Maybe I should have told her sooner, yes, I should have told her sooner. I should have given her the time to process this. I should have acted differently”, Clarke sobbed into Jake’s chest._

_“You can’t think like that. What’s done is done, thinking about the what ifs isn’t going to help anyone, okay? You had a good reason to break up. You need to stay strong, keep moving forward. It will be okay, you’re gonna be okay. And if you do realize that it was not the right choice, then you go to Lexa and win her back. I’ll help you if I must, deal?”_

_The blonde looked up, heartbreak still evident in her eyes, but there was a spark of hope in there too._

  
“Deal.”  


* * *

_  
_ There had been a bunch of evenings like this one. Clarke would cry with Jake, sometimes even with Raven and Octavia and talk about how she was not sure if breaking up was the right decision to make. After about 3 months, she finally accepted it. Accepted her choice, accept the heartache she was feeling every time she went through the pictures on her phone. She couldn’t bring herself to delete them. It felt like the memories would get lost with them and that’s the last thing she wanted.

 

Another few weeks later and the pain got easier. At least that’s what Clarke told herself, but she was not sure if it was really getting easier or if she was getting used to the pain.

 

She was going to school, even contributing to the things her teacher taught them again. She talked a little more and agreed to go out with her friends a few times. Slowly she got back to being herself. She still missed Lexa every day, but going on with her life got a little easier.

 

Two weeks later she met Finn at a party. He was nice to talk to and at the end of the night when he asked her to go on a date, she said yes. He was a nice guy, he had not tried to get her to kiss him, he did not shamelessly flirt with her, he was simply good to talk to, their conversation made the party a little more interesting. Her friends tried to talk to new people for several weeks, so maybe one date was not such a bad idea. One date became many and just friends became girlfriend and boyfriend.

 

Would she have known what Finn would do as soon as he was jealous, she would definitely have declined the date invitation. And again, Clarke was left with the what ifs. She chuckled dryly. Her dad told her she would have to keep living her life, otherwise she’d be left with the what ifs. So she did, she lived her life the best way she could and look where it got her – sitting in front of a white canvas, going over the past year, wondering about the what ifs.

 

_Screw this. Screw the sunrise._ Clarke put the brush and color palette away and got several buckets, filled with different colors of paint. She then walked towards the stereo and turned on some music. Next, she took the nearest bucket, which was filled with green paint and threw the paint on the canvas. The next bucket was filled with the color blue. While the top of the canvas had more blue spots and the bottom more green spots, the middle, where the paint intersected most, faded into a shade of turquoise.

 

As Clarke didn’t want to ruin whole canvas by throwing the whole next bucket of paint on it, she got her brush back, tipped it into the bucket and used it to throw a few splatters of yellow on the left and right side of the canvas. After she cleaned the brush, she tipped it into the bucket of red paint and threw a few splatters over the whole canvas. She then stepped back and looked at her creation. Many would say it looked like a mess, a storm of colors, but it reminded Clarke of something. The green splatters reminded her of Lexa’s forest green eyes. It did not quite get the intensity of Lexa’s eye color, but it was close. The blue reminded Clarke of the ocean, but also of the many times Lexa and her would simply sit and get lost in each other’s eyes. The yellow represented all the great moments the two of them shared and finally the red splatters that covered the entire canvas, reminded her of how things ended. She was unsure how she felt about this painting. In the past few days she was unsure of a lot of feelings. Her feelings towards Finn – if they were ever real, her feelings towards this place and the most confusing feeling so far – what the hell did she feel for Lexa?

 

She took the painting off the easel and leaned it against the whole to let it dry. She would decide whether to keep it or throw it away once it was dry.

_Why am I still hung up on what happened? Why can’t I stop thinking about Lexa? What the hell am I feeling? I’m certainly just thankful that we can be friends again, it’s probably nothing to worry about. Yeah, that has to be it. Just friendly feelings, nothing to worry about._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to explain Clarke's feelings as best as I could, so if it was unclear here are some main points that I wanted to bring across.
> 
> 1\. Clarke was just as hearbroken as Lexa was, the only reason why she managed to move on in the first place was because she talked with her dad and friends about what happened with Lexa, which Lexa didn't. She locked it up inside.  
> 2\. Finn was a sweet guy at first, he did NOT use Clarke for sex. Clarke really did like him, but she didn't love him in any way. which is why she got over him this quickly  
> 3\. Just because Flarke broke up, does not mean that I'm going to rush Clexa, so stick with me. This is going to take a few chapters.
> 
> I hope you have a great start in the new year.  
> Happy 20gayteen!


	12. We Made Up A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group of friends spend a day at the beach

“Hey Lincoln, have you seen my towel? I can’t find it”, Lexa shouted through the house, while searching through her drawers.

Lincoln stuck his head through her door. “Didn’t mom say that she would wash it before we’re going to the beach with Clarke and her friends today?”

“Oh right, thanks bro, I totally forgot that”, Lexa got up and ran to the clothes horse to get it.

Clarke and her friends had invited the Woods siblings and Anya to join them for a day on the beach. At first, Lexa was reluctant to agree, because although Clarke and Lexa were on somewhat good terms, things were still awkward at some points, but she eventually agreed to the plan, hoping that spending more time with Clarke, becoming friends with her again, would make things less awkward.

Lexa took her towel and walked back to her room, she picked up her backpack and looked down at her watch. She had 5 minutes until Lincoln and her would have to leave. Rationally the brunette knew that Clarke would be late anyway, because the blonde always is, but even though she had that information, she wanted to be on time if not a little early, it just made her feel better and less stressed. She stuffed everything she needed into her backpack and turned to her closet. A simple tank top, shorts and a flannel soon landed on her bed. Lincoln always joked that adding the flannel made her the ultimate “cliché lesbian”, but Lexa never cared, because she thought the clothes were simple, yet comfortable.

After changing into the laid-out clothes, Lexa went to meet her brother downstairs. The two had decided to take their bikes to the beach.

“You ready?”, the brunette asked when she walked passed her brother.

“Yup, let’s go.”

 

* * *

  
As predicted they were the first to arrive on the beach. Anya arrived shortly after them. The three friends looked for a good spot to spend the day and laid down their towels. As they were changing into their swimming wear, Clarke, Raven, Octavia, Echo and Bellamy arrived.

“Hi guys”, Clarke smiled.

“Hey”, the trio answered simultaneously.

“Late as always as I see, Griffin”, Anya smirked.

“Charming as always, Anya”, Clarke deadpanned.

“Your best friend sure thinks I am”, the dirty blonde’s smirk only grew, a twinkle in her eye. She then turned to Raven and undressed her with her eyes.

“Ew, gross. Okay, I really am happy that you… enjoy each other’s company so well, but you don’t have to eyefuck in front of me”, Clarke through her hands in the air, turned around and walked towards the spot where Lexa, Lincoln and Anya had already laid down their towels, while her friends were sharing a laugh behind her.

“She’s right, though”, Lexa voiced her opinion.

“Oh, you’re just talking, because you haven’t been gross with anyone in way too long. We just have to find you a nice lady”, Anya teased and through her arm around Lexa’s neck. “Look around. We’re on a beach, a beach with plenty of pretty ladies, choose one.”

A blush took over Lexa’s features. Her eyes wandered over the crowd that was already forming on the beach. A girl caught her eye.

Clarke looked up to see Lexa staring at something behind her. She turned around and saw the girl, which caught her ex-girlfriend’s attention. She had to admit the girl was beautiful. Her skin was a few shades darker than Lexa’s tanned skin, her hair was black. She couldn’t make out the color of the girl’s eyes, but the features of the stranger’s face were nothing short of amazing. Clarke could feel the jealousy bubble in her stomach. She gritted her teeth and forced the jealousy back down. She had no right to feel that way, Lexa were no longer together and although Clarke was not the one to break up their relationship, she had no intentions of getting better with her ex-girlfriend. Did she?

She quickly scolded her herself and shook her head. Still having feelings for Lexa? No, that cannot be.

Clarke stripped off her clothes, so that she was left standing in her bikini. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m here for the water, so that’s where I’m going.”

Her friends were quick to follow her. A few seconds the whole group was jumping around in the water, splashing water at each other and enjoying the sun shining down at them.

 

* * *

  
A few hours later the group was scattered across the beach. Bellamy and Echo were still in the water, while Lexa, Raven and Anya were sitting in the small restaurant, which was located about 500 meters away from the spot where Clarke an Octavia where currently lying in the sun.

“We have to do this more often”, Octavia spoke up.

“What? Lie on the beach?”, Clarke chuckled.

“Yes, going on vacation together, relaxing on the beach, just taking some time to ourselves”, O smiled.

“That sounds nice”, Clarke sighed.

Suddenly Anya and Raven where walking towards them, giggling.

“What’s so funny?”, Octavia asked.

“Oh, just Lexa trying to flirt with the girl over there. It’s hilarious, she-“, Anya buckled over in laughter, which was a sight to see in itself, before she managed to catch her breath again and continue, “she didn’t even get her own name out.”

Clarke looked over to see Lexa talking to the girl from before. The brunette was scratching her neck, it was one of her habits, she always scratched her neck when she was nervous or uncomfortable. She watched the two girls sit down at a table and order drinks. After another few seconds she was finally able to avert her eyes from the scene. She wanted to be friends with Lexa, she wanted the brunette to be happy, she really did, but when that spark of jealousy made itself known again, Clarke couldn’t help but wish for things to go differently. _Why am I jealous? I thought I was over her…_

Clarke sighed and got up. She turned to her friends. “I’m going to take a walk.”  
  


* * *

  
Lexa was sitting at the table talking to a girl named Costia. Costia was 3 years older than Lexa. Her family used to be part of Trikru, but they left several years ago, so that Costia could get a good education, now they only come back for a few days each year for vacation. She was really nice and admittedly pretty damn beautiful, but there was something about her personality that told Lexa to tread cautiously.

The two talked a lot about the tribe and how it is different to the rest of the world. Lexa already knew a lot from Clarke, but it was always interesting to learn more things. They were currently conversing about how the little shops in the tribe differ the ones in bigger cities when another girl walked up to them. She had light skin and dark brown, nearly black hair. She bent down to give Costia a kiss on the cheek and greeted her, “Hey, babe. Who’s this?” Lexa suddenly felt rather uncomfortable.

“Hi babe.This is Lexa. She’s the commander of the Trikru. Remember I told you that’s basically their leader?”, Costia smiled at the stranger.

“Yes, of course I remember. Hi, I’m Costia’s girlfriend, Ontari. It’s so nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, you too”, Lexa got up and scratched her neck. “Well, I’ve got to head back to my friends, I’m sure they are wondering what’s taking me so long when I was only planning on getting a drink.” She laughed awkwardly, “Anyway, it was nice to meet you both, bye.” With that she turned around and fled to her friends.  
  


* * *

  
“Easy there, tiger. What happened?”, Anya chuckled as Lexa came literally running towards them. “Did you forget your name again?”, she teased.

“Ha-ha, very funny, but _no_ , she has a _girlfriend”_ , Lexa answered, her face going red due to the embarrassment she felt.

“Oh, sorry kiddo”, Anya smiled sympathetically. “More luck next time.”

“Yeah, yeah”, Lexa said looking around. “Where’s Clarke?”

“Don’t know. Said she wanted to go for a walk”, Raven pointed to the left. “She went that way like 10 or 15 minutes ago.”

“Okay thanks, I think I’m going to do that too. _Leida”_ , Lexa turned around and jogged into the direction in which Clarke left.  
 

* * *

 

After a few minutes of jogging, Lexa saw Clarke sitting on a tree stem, branch in hand, drawing in the sand. The two of them used to come here quite often when they were together to watch the sun set.

“Hey, thought I’d find you here”, Lexa said softly before sitting down next to the blonde.

“Hi. I just needed some place quiet to think”, Clarke smiled, but the smile did not reach her eyes.

“Oh, do you want me to go?”, Lexa asked, pointing in the direction she came from.

“No, it’s okay. You don’t have to go.”

A comfortable silence washed over them. Although they were only about 600 meters away from the beach, the only noise that could be heard were the waves of the ocean hitting the shore and the birds chirping in the trees. Clarke continued drawing in the sand in front of her. She drew the sight in front of them, a few trees were standing to their left and right, sand covered the ground in front of them, the water only a few feet away from them. The sun was still standing high in the sky. After another few moments of silence, Clarke leaned against Lexa’s shoulder and the latter snaked her arm around Clarke’s waist. It felt like old times, when things weren’t so complicated, when they were both still happy. In moments like these Lexa doubts her decision of breaking up with Clarke, she doubts it was the right thing to do.

“Can I ask you something?”, Lexa spoke up.

“Go ahead”, the blonde answered, not moving her head from the brunette’s shoulder.

“What did you need to think about?”

Lexa felt Clarke tense up for a second, before she sighed and sat up straight again. Blue met green and for a few seconds neither of them said anything.

“To be honest… I just, I saw you with that girl… and I don’t know, I don’t know if I got jealous, because I shouldn’t get jealous, right? I mean we broke up, I dated Finn, so why am I still hung up on you? Maybe it was just because you were so nice and helpful when Finn and I broke up or because you and I have been so through so much together, but…”, Clarke’s rambling was cut off, when she felt soft lips on her own. It took a second for Clarke to realize what was happening, but as soon as she did, she started kissing Lexa back. It felt as if it was their first kiss all over again. The feeling of the other girl’s lips made her lose track of everything she’s been thinking, the only thing that she could think about was what was happening in this exact moment.

When they finally parted to catch their breath, they kept their foreheads connected and were looking into each other’s eyes. Clarke could see the emotions run through Lexa’s eyes, first happiness, then hesitation and finally doubt. Lexa slowly pulled away and scratched the back of her neck again. “I’m sorry”, she said, her eyes cast down. Clarke took a strand of Lexa’s hair and softly pushed it behind the brunette’s ear.

“Hey”, she waited until the emerald green eyes met her own. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay”, the blonde smiled. “I- “

“Yo, Clexa, where the hell are you?”, Raven shouted shortly before she appeared in their line of sight. “Oh, am I interrupting anything?”

“Clexa?”, Lexa asked.

“Well, yeah. Clarke and Lexa… Clexa. It’s way easier to say Clexa instead of ‘Clarke and Lexa’.”

“What do you want, Raven?”, Clarke sighed.

“Oh, right. Mama and Papa Griff called, they want us to come home. Something about your Grandmother Carol being here….”

“Grandma Carol is here?”, Clarke asked in disbelieve.

“Looks like it. You guys coming or what?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually planned to wait with the kiss for another chapter or two, but when I was writing this chapter, it just sort of happened and I'm not unhappy with how it went, so I left it how it was. I know a lot of things are unclear right now and really messy, but just trust me and wait for the next one or two chapters, they will explain a lot and include clexa talking, etc. Anyway, thanks for reading  
> #TwoYearsWithoutLexa
> 
> chapter name from the song Strangers by Sigrid


	13. Back to the day watchin' movies in the basement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grandma Carol is back, bitches  
> Chapter title from Wait by NF

_Previously on ‘If I was a fool or you a thief’_

_“Yo, Clexa, where the hell are you?”, Raven shouted shortly before she appeared in their line of sight. “Oh, am I interrupting anything?”_

_“Clexa?”, Lexa asked._

_“Well, yeah. Clarke and Lexa… Clexa. It’s way easier to say Clexa instead of ‘Clarke and Lexa’.”_

_“What do you want, Raven?”, Clarke sighed._

_“Oh, right. Mama and Papa Griff called, they want us to come home. Something about your Grandmother Carol being here….”_

_“Grandma Carol is here?”, Clarke asked in disbelieve._

_“Looks like it. You guys coming or what?”  
_

* * *

 

Clarke burst through the door of the Griffin estate, her friends following a few feet behind her. She frantically looked around until she spotted her grandmother talking to her parents on the couch.

“Grandma? What are you doing here?”, Clarke said while running over to them and giving Carol a hug.

“Oh, you guys always raved about how beautiful this place is and I thought it was time to see it for myself, don’t you think?”

She couldn’t process what was going on, so she simply nodded. If Clarke was totally honest, all she could think about was that kiss she shared with Lexa back at the beach. As if on cue, Lexa stepped forward, extending her arm to her grandmother.

“If that is the case, then it is my duty to welcome you to our village, Mrs. Griffin. I hope you’ll enjoy your stay”, she said in true commander fashion and Clarke wondered if Lexa was like her, still thinking of their kiss.

“Are you the leader of this tribe? The… Jake, what was it again?”, Carol asked her son.

“Commander, she’s Heda kom Trikru.”

“It’s nice to meet you ma’am”, the Commander nodded politely.

“Oh, forget the ma’am. Call me Carol or grandma. Whatever you want.”

Jake snorted behind her, “Nice try, mom. She’s known me for years and still insists on calling me Mr. Griffin.”

“I guess we need to change that then, huh? How about we all enjoy dinner together?”, Carol looked at Lexa expectantly, the brunette gulped before she nodded.

“That can certainly be arranged, ma’am.”

“God… is she always this formal?”

Everyone agreed that, yes Lexa was very formal, which only caused Lexa’s cheeks to be tinted in a bright red.

* * *

They were all having dinner together. The conversation was flowing easily between the Griffin family and Clarke’s friends. Every now and then Grandma Carol asked Lexa something about the tribe and its traditions and said brunette would explain what Trikru was all about the best way she could.

Clarke on the other hand was mostly silent, which was highly unusual in itself. She simply pushed her food around on the plate. Every time she looked up an stole a glance from Lexa, she would already find the girl staring at her and shooting her concerned glances. The blonde forced a smile on her face and looked down at her food again.   
  
Clarke’s thoughts were still at the beach, when Lexa chose to kiss her. That’s right, where Lexa kissed Clarke, not the other way around. Yet, she was concerned that Lexa only did that to stop her from rambling on. At this point it was clear to the blonde that she still had some feelings for Lexa, she just couldn’t tell, how severe those feelings really were. There was no point in denying that she missed what she and Lexa once were. But she worried, what if the other girl didn’t feel the same? What if she destroyed their growing friendship? A year without Lexa was not exactly great, even though she had her friends and Finn… it still wasn’t the same. Clarke couldn’t imagine what would happen if she lost Lexa forever.

“Clarke?”, the blonde was ripped out of her thoughts and looked up at her mother.

“Your grandmother asked you something. Are you okay?”, Abby asked concerned.

“What? Yeah, fine. Just lost in thought, sorry what did you ask, grandma?”

After that the dinner went on as before, but with Clarke contributing something every now and then. She did not want to worry her family.

After dessert was served, they decided it was time for a movie. When Clarke stood up to walk to the TV, someone grabbed her arm and dragged her to her room.

“Lexa, what the hell? What are you doing?”, Clarke asked surprised.

“Don’t what the hell me, what is going on? You’ve been really quiet at dinner and every time you looked at me, you faked a smile.” Clarke wanted to argue, but Lexa stopped her. “Don’t try to lie to me, Clarke. I know you. It’s just… did I do something wrong? Did you not want me to kiss you? That’s it, right? Argh, I’m so stupid”, Lexa was rambling, walking up and down in Clarke’s room.

“I’m really sorry for kissing you, please forgive me”, Lexa finally looked up at Clarke again. Lexa didn’t know what she expected, but it definitely wasn’t Clarke smiling that soft smile at her that the brunette loved so much. “What?”, Lexa asked confused.

“Nothing. You’re just really cute when you ramble.”

“I’m not cute”, the younger girl pouted.

Clarke took a step forward and grabbed Lexa by her shirt.

“Yes, you are”, which was followed by a kiss to Lexa’s lips. “The cutest. And just so we’re clear: I very much enjoyed our kiss.”

Lexa grinned, “Great, because so did.” They kissed again, Lexa really missed that feeling she always got in her stomach when she got to kiss Clarke. The brunette smiled into the kiss before pulling away to rest her head on Clarke’s forehead.

“What does all of this mean?”, she asked shyly.

“I don’t know”, Clarke sighed. “All I know is that I still have feelings for you and that I really enjoy kissing you. So, if you feel the same way, maybe we could… I don’t know, try again?”

“I definitely feel the same, Clarke. I thought I made that clear when I kissed you the first time today”, Lexa chuckled. “So, we’re …?”

“Dating. Let’s take things from there, see how it goes. Is that okay with you?”

“Dating it is”, Lexa answered before leaning in to kiss Clarke again. “Can we maybe keep this to us for now? I just really want to do this at our pace and I don’t want anyone to stick their head into our business, I just wanna be sure that this actually goes somewhere, before we tell others”, Lexa asked softly.

Clarke smiled, “I was thinking the exact same thing.”

* * *

 

“Where have you been?”, Raven screamed as Clarke and Lexa came back.

“Oh, I just wanted my snapback back from Clarke, but she cannot find it in her chaos of a room, which honestly is not very surprising”, Lexa teased, Clarke was impressed at how easy it was for Lexa to make up a convincing lie.

“My room is not a chaos. Not everyone is as organized as you”, Clarke lightly punched the brunette in the arm.

Lexa snorted before turning to the others again, “So what are we watching?”

“Black Panther.”

“Yes, I love that movie”, Lexa responded while sitting down next to Clarke on the couch.

The boys sat on the floor, while Raven, Octavia, Echo and Anya were seated on one couch, Abby and Jake occupied the love seat and Carol shared the second and smaller couch with Clarke and Lexa.

At some point during the movie Clarke got up to get 2 blankets. One for her grandma and one for her and Lexa. Lexa used the opportunity to take Clarke’s hand under the blanket and squeezed it before returning her attention to the screen.

“Which character do you think was the best?”, Clarke asked.

“You can’t ask that, Clarke. They were all amazing, it’s impossible to chose one over the other”, Lexa answered.

“Oh, come on. Shuri was the best. She’s smart, funny and badass. Kinda reminds me of me”, Raven smirked.

“T’Challa is hot”, Octavia mentioned.

“They are all hot”, Echo threw in her opinion.

“Hey!”, Bellamy turned his head to his girlfriend.

“What? It’s true, but relax, you’re hot too”, Echo winked, which made Bellamy blush slightly.

“Whatever. I think it’s time for me to go home”, Anya stood up and stretched her limbs.

“Yeah, for us too”, Lincoln agreed and looked at his little sister. “You ready to go?”

“Sure”, Lexa got up and turned to Jake and Abby. “Thanks for the dinner, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin”, she then turned to Carol. “It was nice to meet you, Carol.”

“You too.”

“WHAT? You call _her_ , who you have met _today_ , Carol and me Mr. Griffin, now that’s not fair, Lexa, is it?”, Jake asked.

Lexa just shrugged, “Can’t call both of the Griffin women Mrs. Griffin now, can I?” She winked and turned around to walk towards the door.

She heard Abby and Carol laugh. “She got you there, Jake”, Abby said lightly.

“I like that kid”, Carol chuckled.

Clarke quickly ran after Lexa, while Lincoln and Anya were still busy saying their goodbyes.

“Lex, wait”, Clarke said as she caught up with the brunette, she quickly looked around to see if anyone was watching, when there was no one in sight, she quickly gave the younger girl a peck on the lips. “Text me”, Clarke grinned.

“I will”, Lexa smiled back just as Lincoln and Anya walked towards them.

“Let’s go, kid. Bye, Clarke”, Lincoln said.

“Bye, guys. Get home safe.”

* * *

  
_Lexa, 22:50_

_I really enjoyed today_

_Clarke, 22:51_

_Me too_

_Lexa, 22:51_

_Do you want to get ice cream with me on Thursday after  
my Surfing lessons?_

_Clarke, 22:51_

_Like on a date?_

_Lexa, 22:52_

_Yes, Clarke. Like on a date._

_Clarke, 22:52_

_I’d love to_

_Lexa, 22:52_

_:D_

_Good night, Clarke_

_Clarke, 22:53_

_Night, Lex :)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really sure if I should keep this story going, since I barely have time/motivation to write.
> 
> Anyways, tell me what you think. Until next time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments are very much appreciated.


End file.
